Defying Gravity
by UndergroundValentine
Summary: Collab: Adam and Tommy have been together for quite a while now. They're happy, sexy, cute, and they're on tour, living the rock and roll dream. But, there's just one problem- Tommy's family... Sequel to Chained To You.
1. A Whole New World, A Wondrous Place

And so it begins, the sequel to "Chained To You". ENJOY!

BTW: Hiei has Adam's POV and the odd chapters, I have Tommy's POV and the even chapters.

**

* * *

Chapter One: A Whole New World, A Wondrous Place****  
****Adam's POV**

"Oh my God! Can you two just stop, please?" Monte hissed in mine and Tommy's direction. We were all loaded on our cramped bus, driving to LA for the next two shows on the Glam Nation tour and Tommy and I were on the small couch, wrapped around each other with messy hair and heavy breath (when we were actually breathing, that is). Our lips had been glued together for the last hour at least and we didn't even care that Monte, Lisa, and Longineu could plainly see us making out. It just didn't matter to us anymore.

However, it seemed like it did matter to Monte, a lot. Lately he'd get annoyed whenever we kissed in front of him, which was weird because he wasn't homophobic and he was really happy when we got back together after the breakup. Once I told everyone what Drake had done (and when I say everyone, I mean Monte, Longineu, Cassidy, and Brad), he was even more ecstatic that we had gotten back together and that Tommy had given me a promise ring. Now the band didn't need to worry about drama breaking out among the band in case Tommy and I broke up again. We made a commitment to each other and Tommy promised me to never let his worries get the better of him ever again.

"What's wrong?" I asked, finally unhinging my lips from my baby's. "We're just kissing. It's what couples do, Monte. You should know, considering you're married," I said, frowning a little at my best friend.

"Yeah, I realize but you and Tommy never stop sucking face! You seriously only use your mouth for singing and then kissing him. How do you even breathe if you never come up for air?" he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration. I sighed deeply, sitting up and pulling Tommy up with me. We both looked like we'd just gotten frisky, which, in a sense, we did. Tommy's hair was sticking up where it was long enough to and my hair, I was sure, looked exactly the same because Tommy had some sort of fetish for touching and/or pulling on my hair. I wasn't entirely sure why, but I loved when Tommy yanks on my hair, so I never asked him about it.

"Are you jealous?" I asked, almost serious. Monte made such a big deal about us kissing so often, that it seemed like he was envious. Maybe Monte did swing both ways? Oh God… that's disgusting. Images of Monte in bed with a guy flooded my mind and made me cringe. Ew… No offense Monte, I love you as a friend and all but that image will haunt my mind until the day that I die.

A tight frown tugged Monte's lips downward. "No, I'm not jealous of you and Tommy. I'm not gay, but I wish we didn't have to watch you two eat each other all the time," he said, letting his voice slip into a monotone.

It was my turn to frown. "Monte, we're just happy together. It's not like we're having sex with you guys in front of us. We're only kissing. You can't seriously be that upset about it?" I asked. Things had been tense. We'd all spent a lot of time cramped on this itty bitty bus and tension escalated every single time we has to make a trip to a new stage. Staying in such a cramped place with so little space was extremely hard to manage, especially with one woman and two gay boys. "You need to calm down, Monte. If you start getting upset and everything, we won't be able to function very well on this bus."

"We already don't function well, dude," Longineu muttered from his seat at the card table. "We just don't have enough space and things are hard to manage on this bus. Monte just has the shortest temper." I don't know how he did it, but Longineu was always so laid back about everything. No matter how bad things got, he was chill. Well, with the exception of what Drake had done to me. When I told him and Monte what happened, he wanted to go hunt Drake down with Monte, Brad, and Cass to kill the fucker, but I wouldn't let them. I wouldn't have murder (which was a very real possibility with my friends) on my hands, or theirs for that matter. I would not go to jail for that fucker.

A small sigh passed through my lips and I stood up from the couch, straightening my ruffled clothes out. Apparently Tommy and I were getting a little more intense then I realized… Whoops, my bad. "Why do we always have to be at each other's throats? We're supposed to be friends! I mean honestly. We have fun and we do almost everything. Why do we have to fight all the time? I could understand this if we all hated each other, but we don't. We love each other in a brotherly sister kind of way. Why can we not just get along and mind our own business in the process?"

"We don't have the space to mind our own business, Adam! And it's kind of hard to stay out of your business with Tommy when you flaunt it in front of us all the time!" Monte exclaimed and pulled a beer out of our mini fridge. I wasn't sure how many of those we'd gone through over this tour, but I was sure it wasn't a healthy amount. Even for five people (well four. Lisa never drank anything, and I usually didn't… So three really).

"Monte, please calm down. We all just need some space. That's all," Tommy finally cut in and he stood up, taking my hand in his. "If us kissing in front of you really bothers you that much, we'll go into our bedroom so you don't have to watch," Tommy said, pulling me towards the tiny ass bedroom we shared while traveling on the bus. Once he closed the door behind us, he walked over to me and wrapped his arms tightly around my neck. "Let's just spend a little bit of time in here, alright? Just give Monte some time to calm down. Besides, we can have more fun in here. Cloth-less fun." A smirk touched my baby's lips and I couldn't help but smirk with him. God I loved this man so much and every time I looked at the ring on my left ring finger, I knew how much he loved me too. Out of all my jewelry, that ring was the one thing I never took off. Not even in the shower or anything. It wasn't cheap metal, so it never discolored. Tommy had gone all out when ordering the ring. Everything from the band to the stones, the accents and the engravings. Everything on it was perfect and I don't think I ever loved a piece of jewelry more than this ring.

"We can't have as much fun as I would like to have, Glitterbaby. We'd get too loud and then Monte would bitch at us some more," I said, resting my hands on the blonde's shoulder. He laid his hands flat against my chest and pushed me onto the bed that was barely big enough for both of us, but we always were happy to take an excuse to be closer.

"I'm beginning to think that we are just too much for Monte to handle with his jealousies," he said, giggling as he pushed much tee-shirt up my stomach and chest. "And right now, I want you more than I don't want to hear him bitching," he said, licking the side of my neck. A gasp left my throat and I was almost too willing to open my legs for the blonde. Before I left for a month with Monte and Longineu (which might have been one of the worst months of my life, by the way), I always took the dominate role in our intimate meetings, but the night I got back, I let Tommy fuck me all night long. I was so desperate to have him inside me again, I didn't even care about the rape. I didn't let myself think about it and once we'd finished, I was so happy I'd let him inside of me again. Since I'd gotten back, I haven't really thought about the rape at all and I haven't had any nightmares about it. I think a lot of the reason was because I'd finally let Tommy make love to me again.

Now we traded roles a lot. I'd be on top one day and he'd be on top the next. Sometimes I'd be on top for one round and as soon as we finish, Tommy would flip us over or vice versa. Sometimes we fought over who would top who, and believe me, those nights could get kinky as fuck. They were always a good time, especially when restraints and toys got involved (much like they had the night I'd gotten back from the month away). Tommy had a whole bucket of toys and he used every single one on me before he'd actually fucked me… I came like seven times that night and I didn't want to wake up at all the next day. "We have a few hours to kill before we get to our hotel. We could… get ready for an all nighter," he mumbled against my neck. "I'm sure I could find a toy or two…" Whoa, did he just read my fucking mind? I totally think he did…

_I guess we really are just that close._

"We're going to get really freaky tonight, aren't we?" I asked, rolling over so Tommy was underneath me. "I think you use those toys on me far too much but I hardly ever get to use them on you, Glitterbaby. Now that is just now fair, and you know what? Cassidy sent me something new that I've just been dying to share with you." My voice slipped from hot and bothered to deep, sexy and seductive. His chocolate eyes locked onto mine, a mixture of longing and sudden panic taking over.

"Oh? And what kind of toy did Cass send you?" he asked, trying to sound strong, but I could see right through his little act.

"You'll just have to wait and see, baby," I cooed, running my hands down the outside of Tommy's thighs. Once I reached his knees, I brought my hands back up his inner thighs, rubbing against his half hard-on. It wouldn't take long to get that half to be a whole. "For now, I think I'm just going to drive you crazy like this," I said, rubbing Tommy a bit harder. A husky moan escaped his lips and he bucked into me.

"You aren't going to do this to me the entire way to the hotel, are you?" he whined, trying to trust himself against me for any sort of friction. "Adam that is just cruel and unusual," he added.

A devilish smirk crossed my face. "Well I dunno about cruel, but I am pretty unusual. I suppose I can be cruel for a little while," I said, burying my face into his neck, biting and nipping at the already hickey-covered skin. He let out a soft yelp and for the next two hours, I rubbed and stroked him into stiffness while letting my lips grace every visible spot of pale, beautiful skin. By the time the bus stopped moving, Tommy's erection was throbbing against my hand and I knew I was being cruel, but that would just make the sex that much better once we got up to the hotel room. "Be sure to carry your suitcase in front of you so you don't get any weird stares," I muttered against his lips and stood up, picking up my suitcases off the floor. Tommy stood up a minute later, groaning, probably from the pain in between his legs.

"Adam, I hate you so much right now," he said as he picked up his bag, putting it over his shoulder and then he picked up his suitcase, holding it in front of him just like I told him to.

We left the room and everyone else was already off the bus. They probably wanted to get away from each other as soon as possible. The rooms were in my name though, so they'd have to wait for me to get there. "Well hate will certainly make the sex interesting," I said, smirking at the shorter (yet older) bassist. "Now I'm sure it's going to get kinky," I whispered as we got off the bus. We walked into the hotel and I went over to check in. I handed out keys rather quickly because I just wanted to take Glitterbaby upstairs and fuck his brains out, and the look of pain on Tommy's face told me that he had a little problem that needed tending to.

I took Tommy's free hand in my free hand and pulled him up to the top floor. We had a deluxe suite, and it might have been one of the nicest suits we'd stayed in yet. Beautiful faux fur carpets graced rich cherry wood floors. A large, suspended bed covered in silver fabric hung over a divot in the floor, marking the bedroom as the lowest area of the room. Four steps led down to the giant circle the bed hung above. Across from that was a black, sleek dresser big enough for maybe a fourth of my whole wardrobe, with a 60 inch flat panel television hanging over it. The walls were painted a mocha color and there were bowl chairs hanging from the ceiling. I hadn't even seen the bathroom and I was already in love. I wanted to redo my condo just like this.

My attention was pulled back to Glitterbaby when I heard him whining. "Adam, god damn it," he hissed at me and I turned to him, seeing his hands rubbing his hard cock. A smirk spread from ear to ear on my face and I dropped the bags I was holding.

"At your service," I muttered, my voice dropping down into seductive mode once again.


	2. Just Reach Out and Touch Me

**Chapter Two: Just reach out and touch me**

**(Tommy's POV)**

For the first time in a long time, I hated Adam. Not with every fiber in my being, the way I had before. But for the fact that he teased and tortured me into a painful state of sexual urgency. A kind of urgency that no one really understands unless their partner or lover (or however the fuck you prefer to call them) is really, really skilled in the ways of sex. And I knew from _plenty _of past experiences that Adam was very, _very_ skilled. So skilled he could probably make his own "How To" videos.

Actually, no. No he couldn't. Cause that would cause a kind of shit storm that no one wants.

We finally managed to get to the hotel room. I would have taken the time to admire it had I not been so concerned with the fact that my raging hard-on was making me tremble every time I fucking moved. I finally dropped my suitcase and was pressing my hands into the stiff bulge, moaning and squirming. I was afraid my knees were going to give out on me, so I leaned against the wall by the bathroom door. Adam turned and smiled, telling me he was at my service. Oh, he'd better fucking be at my service with the state he's put me in!

"You… nngh, fucking suck!" I whined, closing my eyes and gnawing on my bottom lip. He smirked, sashaying over towards me and taking my hands away from my aching cock. I whined again, looking up at him as he pinned my arm at my sides against the wall. His forehead pressed to mine as he ground his hips into me. I panted, breathing against his chest as he rolled his hips forward, the friction making me shiver.

"Well, I could…" He whispered, his lips brushing mine as he did. His hands were at my waist, his fingers slipping under the fabric of my shirt. The pads of his fingertips were warm against my already burning flesh, and I shivered again. I couldn't help it. His touch set me on fire, even if I was already burning. My jaw dropped a little and I panted into his mouth as he kissed me, his hands trailing up and he pinched my pierced nipples. I bucked, arching into him as his tongue shoved deep into my mouth. I moaned, my hands threading into his hair. He'd done a lot to his hair; shaving one side, getting it trimmed, redying it (the black was beginning to wash out after a while). But it was still soft as ever.

"God, please!" I hissed against his lips. Adam smirked at me, ripping my shirt over my head and tossing it to the floor. He kissed me again, before bending down and catching a nipple ring between his lips, sucking gently on it as he began to undo my belt. I arched into him again, moaning. My eyes were rolling into the back of my head as I heard my belt clatter to the floor, and the pressure of my cock against my zipper finally disappearing as he pulled my pants down to my ankles.

"Nngh, fuck…" I moaned as his lips vanished from my abused nipple, and he bent down, his breath hot against my erection. "Just… fucking… _God!_" My fingers wound into his hair, and I pulled on it. He groaned, his lips just brushing the head of my cock.

"Sorry, baby. I'm not religious." Oh, gee, thanks Adam— aahn… His lips slid around my hard-on, and he swallowed me whole. I could feel the back of his throat and then some, and when he started humming I nearly lost it. My knees were trembling as his tongue slid and licked all over me. He pulled off to the point that he was just wrapped around the head, and he sucked, his tongue flicking over the slit.

The sounds coming from my mouth were nothing short of shit you'd hear in a porno. Moans, squeals, grunts and pants. Oh, yeah. _Totally_ sexy. I rolled my hips to meet Adam's mouth, and it was a cross between him giving me head and me simply fucking his mouth. It was exotically erotic and I was surprised I was lasting so long without exploding down his throat. I pulled hard on his hair, trembling head to toe as he moaned and sucked, his teeth scraping lightly around me. He tongued the slit one more time, and that was all I needed to arch and howl, coming into his mouth.

He swallowed, his tongue swirling around the head one more time before he pulled away. I felt like a puddle of jelly, and as Adam began to stand I was beginning to fall. He was in a crouched position when his arms wrapped around me to keep me from hitting the floor. He chuckled, carrying me down towards the suspended bed. I could barely move, but all the same I just wanted to kiss him and for him to fuck me… God, I sound like a whore.

"Do you wanna go to bed, Glitterbaby?" He asked me as I sprawled on the bed, carefree of being completely naked with Adam hovering above me.

"Nope, you've still got your own problem." I muttered, lifting a leg and pressing my thigh between his legs. He shivered, moaning and dipping his head, kissing the side of my neck. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as he nipped my favorite spot, blood rushing to my growing second hard-on. I grabbed the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head as he had done with my shirt earlier, and I tossed it off to the side. He continued to nip and suck on my neck as I reached up, my fingers trailing over his nipples. I could feel the cool metal— yeah. Adam got his nipples pierced a couple of months ago. He was curious as to how good it felt, and while he regretted it for the first couple of weeks, he loves them now (and so do I!)

"Mmm, gonna fuck you so could, baby…" Adam whispered, trembling under my fingertips. My face flushed dark as I reached for his belt, undoing it as fast as I could with shaking hands.

"You're not gonna be able to fuck me with pants on, Babyboy." I told him, and he smiled into my skin.

"Hmm, true that." He murmured, licking my neck and my jaw like a cat. "But… If you help me out of these jeans, I'll show you what Cassidy got us…" My eyes snapped open and I stared at him, my heart pounding twice as hard and twice as fast. Together we hurried to strip him of his pants, and within moments his belt and the jeans were tossed to the floor. Adam's cock was curved like an elegant, thick bow, needing to be touched…

I had to resist the urge to whine as he climbed off of me and towards his suitcase. I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment. I could hear Adam shuffling, his heavy breathing and occasional moans. This, in turn, sent chills and blood to my hips and thighs. I relaxed, almost melting into the comforter of the bed when I felt his hands on my legs, massaging them and spreading them. I smiled softly, moaning as I heard him uncap what I assumed to be the lube. There was rustling and a silky fabric fell over my eyes. I lifted my head as Adam tied it around my head before letting me rest against the pillow again.

He grabbed my hands and pulled my arms above my hand, tying my wrists together. He didn't fastened my bound wrists to anything— it was my responsibility to have enough control to remember that I was not allowed to bring my arms back down. We've done this before; the trust level between us is something that is a little more than magical. There were boundaries, naturally, but we also weren't afraid to test certain limits and take a few risks.

More rustling, and Adam slipped a thick pillow beneath my hips, propping me up a little more. I inhaled slowly, trying to calm my racing heart. I could smell the cherry scented lube. I bit down gently on my bottom lip, trying to relax, trying to not anticipate whatever he was going to do too much. But I couldn't help it. I couldn't see, I couldn't touch. I could only hear and feel what was being done.

"Are you ready, baby?" He asked me. I could only nod. I felt him slid a cock ring around me, and I moaned. Oh, now he was just being cruel; he wasn't going to let me come easily or painlessly. He was lucky I had a bit of a thing for pain. But thoughts of the ring vanished from my mind—

I felt slicked, cool and smooth, a delicate shape that was also familiar; either a dildo or a vibrator. I inhaled sharply, my back arching slightly as he worked it in me, making it move in waves and curves as if it was liquid-y and bending completely to his will. And every time he pushed it deeper into me, it nudged that spot. Even with the blindfold my eyes squeezed shut, I was seeing stars and my hands were clenched. I kept my arms above my head but all the same I was pulling against the restraints around my wrists. I was beginning to really, really mentally thank Adam that my Glam Nation outfit had long sleeves that covered my wrists.

"Nngh, God, Adam…" I moaned low, breathing hard. I heard him chuckle, and the atmosphere felt warmer as he leaned closer to me, pressing his lips to mine. I moaned again, wanting so badly to touch, but the aching of my wrists and the strain of my arms above my head reminded me that I couldn't. He pushed the dildo in again, pressing into that spot and making me arch. His free hand slid up my hip and across my chest, toying with my right nipple ring.

"Mmm, fuck…" I whispered against his mouth. He smiled, kissing my jaw and my neck and nudging deep into me, moving the dildo in circles and stretching me out a little more. I was trembling, my toes were curling and my cock was throbbing, precome dripping down onto my groin.

The dildo disappeared from inside of me, and I could smell the cherry lube again. Adam inhaled sharply, moaning, and I could only assume he was slicking himself up. I bit down hard on my bottom lip, wanting and waiting as patiently as I could. He gripped my right hip with his left hand, pressing his cock into my hole. "You're so beautiful, Glitterbaby…" He whispered. I could feel the cool band of the promise ring I gave him against my scorching skin.

Inch by inch, he slid deeper into me, pulling out and pushing in, going farther inside with every push. My jaw was dropped and my back was arched, my breathing dry and ragged. My nails were digging into the palms of my hands, my arms aching from strain and tension. After an eternity, it seemed, Adam's hips were pressed against my ass. He shifted my legs so that they wrapped around his waist, and I moaned, feeling much more comfortable than I had before.

Each thrust was short and slow at first, before getting long, deeper, and harder. Not necessarily faster though, no. This was passionate. Kinky because of the blindfold and the restraints (and the fucking cock ring), but passionate. Adam's body was trembling above mine, warm and sticky with sweat. His breath fanned over my skin, making me warmer and… needless to say, hornier.

"Nngh, yes… Aaha— yes…" I moaned, letting my mouth talk without thinking. Adam groaned, and I felt his fingers wrapping around the blindfold. He tugged on it, pulling it away and tossing it to the side.

"I want to see your eyes…" He whispered. My heart swelled in my throat as he held onto my hip, his opposite hand reaching up and curling around my bound wrists, holding me securely. I stared up at him, never once looking away from his hooded, dark eyes. Dark with lust and love. Some people say that it's impossible to feel both. I say different. You can love somebody, and lust for them. Lust is the desire for. You can desire your lover. It's not impossible.

Every thrust in, Adam was hitting that sweet spot again. Ecstasy was coursing through me, and my eyes rolled into the back of my head. Adam leaned down, pressing his lips to my neck and my collarbones. Small bites and light kisses, he breathed against my skin, his hand disappearing from my wrists and wrapping around my aching erection. I gasped, bucking up into his touch and trembling violently. My senses were on fire as he whispered into my skin.

"Mine… My Glitterbaby… My Tommy…" I choked on a cry as he pumped me. My legs tightened and I pushed him deeper and deeper, wanting more of him. Wanting everything I could get, and then wanting more.

"F-fuck me… Harder, nngh, harder—" and, God, he did. His motions were becoming erratic, the rhythm being lost in the urgency. His hand moved faster, his hips slammed into mine harder, more frantic. I opened my eyes, showing every bit of want and need and love to him. He bit down on his bottom lip, before stealing kisses I had no problem giving away to him.

"Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy…" He repeated my name into my mouth. I loved the way he said it. Each time it sounded different.

"Yes… Adam-mm…" My head was spinning. My world was spinning. He was slamming into me and making my cries turn into screams. For a moment I was concerned if the walls were soundproof or not…

"Fucking… hell… Nn, Glitterbaby…" Music to my ears…

"Aah! Fuck— _Adam!_"

"_Yes!_"

Stars. Stars and fuzziness. Dizziness and relief as well as pain and pleasure. Warm, gooey filled my insides, and Adam's fingers weren't registering in my nerves as he pulled the ring off of me. He untied my hands and slid out of me. He lifted me off the bed a little, kicking the comforter to the floor so that a thin blanket and a sheet were the only things wrapped around us. He reached over, using a corner of the blanket and wiping our stomachs off. My limbs were jelly, and I felt boneless. He flicked a switch beside the bed and the lights went out.

My arms were loose around his waist as I snuggled up against him. His hands were soft as they rubbed my back, and he left sweet kisses on my lips, tasting as minty as ever. Still a mystery to me, but I wasn't complaining then. He left one warm, deep kiss that made me moan.

"That's from Cassidy." I frowned in the darkness.

"The kiss?" He laughed.

"The whole thing. This was his idea. The dildo, the blindfold, the ties… This was all his idea." I inhaled slowly, a smile tugging at my lips.

"I need to find a good way to thank him, one of these days." I whispered, inhaling Adam's scent. Dior. Sweat. Cinnamon tooth paste. Mint. All Adam. I could tear it apart and try to find what I liked best, but what I liked best was Adam, and that meant everything.

"Maybe tomorrow you can call him. For now," he kissed my forehead, "we need to sleep. We've got a show tomorrow." I sighed.

"Great, I get to hobble around like an awkward penguin on stage. Fantastic." Adam laughed in the darkness.

"Cassidy gave me these therapeutic bath salts that will relax you. You can soak in the morning before we go, sound good?" I hummed softly.

"Only if you're soaking with me."

"Soaked to the bone?" I rolled my eyes behind closed lids.

"Don't start quoting lyrics." He whined.

"Aww, you're no fun." I smiled.

"Liar. I'm loads of fun." His arms tightened around me, pulling me closer.

"I know, I'm teasing you, baby. Get some sleep." I yawned.

"You too, Babyboy."

"I love you…" I would never get tired of hearing that.

"I love you, too."


	3. When Disaster Strikes

**Chapter Three: When Disaster Strikes****  
****Adam's POV****  
**

This morning was simply not long enough. It went by way too fast and my soak (to the bone) with Tommy didn't last nearly as long as I wanted it to… The Jacuzzi tub and therapeutic salts were so relaxing I could have died, and of course, Tommy was with me, so that just made me not want to get out of the tub. However, I had fans to please and when the clock read 5 P.M. I almost flipped my fucking lid. We were supposed to be at the concert hall in a half hour and neither of us were ready.

Needless to say Tommy and I looked like a hot mess once we finally got to the stage. Our hair hadn't been styles (not like you could do much for Tommy's). There was no make-up. We almost didn't even have time to brush our teeth after getting dressed when Monte started pounding on the door, probably wondering why we weren't downstairs yet.

"Will you two stop fucking and get the hell out of bed already?" he shouted at the door and I couldn't fight the frown that pulled at the corners of my mouth. I spit the cinnamon tooth paste into the sink and I walked out into the main room.

"You know, I think you're fired, Monte," I said once the door was open. "You're such a nag and I'm not sure how long I can deal with your envious nature." Monte looked enraged. His face was seriously turning purple, and oddly enough, I wasn't afraid. I didn't care. All I did care about was simply the fact that I was actually enjoying enraging my guitarist.

"Why do you always fucking say I'm jealous, Adam? You know I'm not gay and I would never sleep with you!" he exclaimed but I could only smirk at him.

Tommy joined me at the door and we walked out hand in hand, closing the door behind us. "Well, I'd have to say I do it because one, it annoys you, and two, you totally know you want to tap this," I said, smirking at Monte from over my shoulder. "Face it, I have a fiiiine ass." For about ten seconds, I put the lyrics to _Strut_ to good use, but Monte wasn't worth all the effort of making my ass look good, so I stopped once we got to the elevator. Monte looked peeved, but I couldn't say I minded much. Monte was making me a little angry lately with all the sex comments… So I had a lover, sue me. So I had sex with my lover, sue me. Good luck winning a law suit, by the way.

The rest of the walk and the entire ride to the concert hall were quiet. Monte was still fuming, Tommy was practically asleep on my shoulder, and Lisa was reading. That left Longineu and I to more or less stare out the window as the limo moved through LA, It felt like we were never going to make the show on time because of all the traffic (half of which was going to my concert!) but we managed to get there with a little over an hour left before the show.

And to the greater power (not religious), I swear we used every possible minute until the show started to get ready. Hair, make-up, set, wardrobe layout, so on and so forth. The entire time I was listening to my iPod, trying to ignore everything going on around me. I needed to get 'in the zone' and _Oops I Did It Again_ came through the shuffle setting. Yes, I do listen to Brittney Spears. Shut up. So, as I put my pounds of make-up on (God, why did I agree to this? It's awful) I starting singing. _"Oops I did it again, I played with your heart, got lost in the game. Oh baby baby, oops you think I'm in love… That I'm sent from above… I'm not that innocent."_ Wow, I can't believe I seriously know all the words to this song.

I looked into the mirror again to make sure I smudged my eyeliner right, but I stopped, seeing Tommy's reflection in the giant mirror. "Hey Baby, you rea-" I started to ask as I pulled a ear phone out of my ear but I stopped when I saw the look on his face. It was a cross between 'are you fucking serious right now?' and 'I cannot believe what I am hearing…' "What?" I asked, frowning a little.

"Are you seriously… seriously singing _Oops I Did It Again_?" he asked, his tone laces in sarcasm and awe.

"Well… Um… Yeah, no denying it. I was," I said, turning back to the mirror to finish my eyeliner. If I looked at Tommy for too long, I'd probably start blushing (not that you could tell under all this fucking make-up). "Sorry, but you're dealing with, as Monte calls me, the Gay God. Of course I know the words to this song." I turned my iPod off once I was happy with my appearance.

"Adam… you seriously listen to her? Are you kidding me?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "I think I might be traumatized…"

A light roll of the eye was my only response for a moment. "Tommy, I think last night was probably more traumatizing than you hearing me sing _Oops I Did It Again._ Shit, face it. I make that song sound awesome," I said, smirking some.

"Yeah yeah, conceited," he said, smiling at me. He was teasing, but he wasn't mean about it. Not like when I kissed him during the AMAs and he always said the 'well, if you didn't mouth rape people'. Yeah… Tommy used to be a little punk ass fucker but now… now he was my Glitterbaby. Don't ask me how that happened either, because it's still kind of a mystery to me. He had dreams about me, then he saw me naked, then I saw him naked and we made out. Yup, that sounds like the gist of it.

I heard the music start. _For Your Entertainment_ was played before I actually came out on stage. A smile broke across my lips and Tommy's too. "Come on, Glitterbaby. We've got people to swoon," I said, taking his hand and leading him out of the dressing room. Something told me that the whole Spears thing would come back to haunt me, but I'd worry about that another time. Right now my fans were my concern and I wouldn't lose my focus until after the show was over. Then I could get as distracted as I wanted. I saw alcohol and hot, passionate love making in the near future. The idea lit up my face with a devilish grin, perfect for the show really.

By now, every performance was just a blur. Sure, we had a shit load of fun every time we got on stage (especially Tommy and I) and I remembered a few faces from the audience. Boys with cute faces or girls who looked like they creamed their panties, but just as soon as the show started, it was over. Tonight's performance featured lots of licks and teasing kisses. This was part of the reason Tommy and I were so desperate to have sex after a show. A lot of people just thought we were doing it for the sex appeal, others believed we really were in love and just doing it because we wanted to. The later, of course, is correct. We were always hot and bothered after every show. Once we even fucked in a dressing room. Granted, we'd both been a little drunk, but as soon as the show was over and we were off stage, Tommy dragged me to my dressing room, locked the door, shoved me up against a wall, and fucked me. It had been quick but oh so sexy…

Fun times.

One particularly interesting (and when I say interesting I mean fucking turn on) event of the night was during _Fever_. Though most sexy things do happen during that song… Wonder why. Tommy had taken one hand off of his bass to smack me hard on the ass. It drove the crowd crazy but fuck did that slap sting. Most people wouldn't expect Tommy to be strong, but during sex I've often lost to his physical strength. Granted he's lost too, but that's beside the point. That slap left my ass stinging and demanding attention. Great, I'm totally going to get nailed tonight… Awesome.

"Thank you so much!" I exclaimed into the mic once I'd done my last song. People looked sad to see me go, but I was certain I'd be seeing a lot of them at the meet and greet and at my second show in LA. I was drenched in sweat, much like everyone else in my band, and I walked off stage to get changed before meeting the fans. I don't want to pose for pictures when I'm all sweaty and gross, though a lot of people would probably like it if my sweat was all over them (ew).

Once dressed in more casual, yet glamful clothing I went out to meet the fans with Tommy and Monte. The other two weren't so into meeting the fans, probably because they were always at the back of the stage. Sorry guys… that's just how it works in music… Tommy and I got an unusual amount of requests to pose together, which we did, though we tried to make it as innocent as possible. I also had to pose with a lot of girls, and quite a lot of boys too. I didn't mind. That's what this life was about; loving music and loving the fans.

My wrist was cramping from signing so many autographs by the time the hall was nearly empty. I signed a little girl's picture with a sharpie. She was maybe ten and her mother was with her. Her mother also seemed to love me, but the little girl was just so adorable and the radiant smile so wore as she left reminded me why I loved to entertain people so much. I briefly wondered why someone so young was listening to my kind of music, but then decided she probably didn't understand any of the sexual parts. She'll blush hard once she was older…

I kind of slipped into a daze after that, thinking about the little girl and the music I loved to make and perform for everyone to enjoy. I was so lost to everything, I nearly hit the ceiling when I heard Tommy gasp. At first I assumed the worst. Someone with a gun or a knife was there. Perhaps a gay basher, but when I turned around I just saw an older (but not that old) couple standing together. They didn't exactly look happy and Tommy looked a little awe-struck. If I wasn't mistaking, I could have sworn I always saw a little embarrassment and fear in his expression.

"Tommy?" I asked, walking over to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. The man standing in front of us almost glared at me. What did I do? "What's going on?" I asked, frowning a little, though I never let my tone grow cold or rude.

"Adam… these are my parents…" he said quietly and I smiled a little at that. How delightful! His parents had come to see their little boy perform! That was so sweet.

"Oh, wow! Well, it's good to meet you both," I said, holding my hand out to Tommy's father, who I think was named Ron. I wasn't one-hundred percent sure about that, but that's why I avoided saying either of their names. Tommy's father however did not share my enthusiasm. His eyes wandered down to my hand for a moment and then drifted back up to my face.

"Hello, Mr. Lambert," he said with a bit of an edge in his tone. My smile faultered and I let my hand fall back down to my side. Apparently Tommy's parents were not very happy for some strange reason, and Tommy just looked extremely uncomfortable. I turned towards him with question and worry in my eyes.

Tommy met my gaze for only a moment before looking at his boot-covered feet. "Tommy? What's this all about?" I asked quietly. I couldn't fight gravity pulling my lips even further down at the corners.

"My parents wanted to surprise me by coming to see the show tonight… I didn't know they were coming," he said quietly. Okay, so parents wanting to surprise their son. It didn't sound so abnormal or bad to me, I mean shit, my mom does that for me all the time! "They aren't entirely pleased with uh… _our_ performance," he whispered. Usually the phrase 'our performance would be referring to the entire show and everyone who was in it, but I knew better. With Tommy's tone, I knew exactly what he meant. His parents didn't like our constant "sexual teases" and I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that they weren't approving of gay people at all. Maybe that's why Tommy never talked about his parents?

I bit my lip, completely aware of his father's glare at me, but I didn't take my eyes off of Tommy. I couldn't risk something like a break down… "Oh…" I mumbled, unsure of what else I would be able to say.


	4. An Exchanging of Words

**Chapter Four: I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words**

**(Tommy's POV)**

The show was fucking fantastic. The lights were perfect, the sound was perfect. Brooke, Sasha, Terrance and Taylor danced their hearts out and were beautifully perfect. Adam sang wonderfully. And, as always, he drove me crazy during Fever. That was our song. Our song for a little fun time. It was the reason we were usually in a bit of a hurry to get on the road to the next show. Don't get me wrong, I loved the fans. They were sweet and magnificent, but sometimes Adam did certain things or looked at me in a way that sent chills down my spine.

He knew how to make me feel like a needy kitten.

So when we cleaned up and went out to meet the fans, everything was still perfect. I watched as Adam was swarmed by fans of both genders, all ages, all colors, all orientations, screaming and crying and begging him to take pictures and sign their boobs (some of the ladies were a little on the scary side with their obsession). But I smiled and tended to my own fans, answering questions, and asking how they were doing. I was polite and sweet. It was my nature.

I had probably signed a hundred different objects and people as well as taken another hundred pictures. Girls with brightly colored hair wearing Adam's t-shirts and even homemade ones with piercings and tattoos. I even took pictures with a few… flaming boys. But I didn't mind it, really. I had fun. I was actually in the process of signing some teenage boy's rainbow scarf when I glanced up, seeing two people I had never expected to see at one of our shows.

Mom and Dad.

Now, some people might have asked why I never talked about my parents. Why I never mentioned my family in general. It wasn't that I didn't have a good relationship with them or that I was disowned. It wasn't because I didn't have the time to talk to them and see what was going on in life. Part of it was because people never asked. They didn't bring the topic up, so it was never in conversations. But there was another reason that I never really talked about them, even when they were brought up into a conversation. And that was the fact that… they weren't exactly accepting of homosexuality. Thus they weren't accepting of Adam.

As it was, when I told them I auditioned for Adam, they'd asked what the hell I was thinking. When I told them I made it, Dad barely said anything to me for a few days. Mom just… didn't bring it up. I think the only person in my immediate family who was okay with my being in Adam's band was my sister, Lisa. She was a fan of him from Idol. And she, of course, thought it was hilariously sweet when Adam kissed me during the American Music Awards. Mom didn't bring it up. Dad, again, didn't say anything to me.

But that had been months ago. And this was now. And they had watched, live, as Adam kissed me again. And I kissed him back. And they probably knew that I liked it. Which meant I was in serious shit.

Adam had somehow come back towards me; he heard me gasp allowed. The boy who's scarf I'd been signing had already gone, which left a clear line between me and my parents. Mom's face was blank. Dad looked pissed. My heart was pounding in my chest as they walked up to us. Adam placed a hand on my shoulder as he asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't find any will in me to speak. I wanted to curl into a ball of shame and apologize to my dad. He looked so angry, but he also seemed to try to hide it. He was trying to be nice. Well, at least there's some improvement.

"Adam… these are my parents…" I said softly, and Adam broke out into a grin. He obviously thought this was a good thing, my parents being here. He said something about how it was nice meeting them, and he held out his hand to my dad. Mom at least smiled a little. Dad just glared at Adam's hand before looking back up, and Adam dropped it, his smile gone. Dad didn't call him Adam, he called him "Mr. Lambert", which is how he referred to anyone he wasn't entirely fond of. He never said their first name. I kept my eyes on my shoes, wanting so bad to reach out and take Adam's hand in mine for support. But I knew if I did that, Dad would probably start yelling at me.

"Tommy? What's this all about?" Adam said softly. He was worried about the whole situation when all I wanted to do was just leave and forget that they had come. I inhaled slowly, licking my lips and trying to find the right words to say.

"My parents wanted to surprise me by coming to see the show tonight… I didn't know they were coming…" I said, trailing off a little. Adam didn't understand, so I continued. "They aren't entirely pleased with uh… _our_ performance." Adam blinked once, the reality of the situation dawning on him. I swallowed the growing lump in my throat, trying to stay calm.

"Apart from one aspect, it was a really beautiful show, wasn't it, Ron?" Mom said, trying to break the tension, though her voice was a little flat. She didn't favor homosexuality, but at least she was respectful. She respected Adam as an artist and as a person, but that didn't mean she exactly liked him.

"Yes," Dad's voice was sharp, and I flinched, "it was." Cold, cruel. I gnawed on my bottom lip. Adam smiled gratefully, but his eyes were shifting back and forth between them. He sensed my worry, my discomfort.

"Don't mind him, he's not much for concerts in general," Mom joked, and Adam smiled. I kept my head down, but I could still feel my dad's eyes on me, burning into me. "We thought we'd drop in and see before you traveled up north. Lisa said she'd come see when you came down for the San Francisco shows." Adam glanced at me, confused. He was probably thinking of Lisa Harriton, our old keyboardist. She'd left a few months ago to pursue her own music. Since then we'd picked up Camila Grey, a beautiful young woman with some serious talent.

"Lisa's my sister." I said simply. He nodded once, returning his gaze to Mom.

"Well, I'm glad you were able to come out. And maybe we'll see you again?" Adam suggested. Mom smiled and nodded. Dad didn't do or say anything. Adam leaned down, whispering in my ear.

"We'll talk about this on the bus later, okay?" I nodded, and he wandered off after saying goodbye. He was going to take care of some other fans. I watched him go, before looking back over at my parents, trying to breathe as calmly as I possibly could. The smile had vanished from my mom's face, Dad was still glaring. He really, really was not happy, that I could tell.

"It's not always like that…" I said softly, but Dad raised a hand, silencing me. "Dad—" I began again, but the look in his eyes shut me up instantly.

"I don't want to hear it Thomas." He snapped at me. I bit down on the inside of my cheek to keep from talking back. "There had better not be anything going on between the two of you…" His voice was cold, bone-chilling. I wasn't sure if I was ever going to tell them that I was in love with Adam. For twenty-eight years, they'd believed that I was straight as could be. And that had been true. But… Adam was different. I didn't think of many other guys the way I thought of Adam. He was an exception.

My silence must have made him even more concerned. But he didn't get the chance to say anything before Mom stepped in. "Thomas, is there something going on between you and Adam?" I looked at her for a moment. I knew if I told them the truth then my dad would probably never speak to me again. He would probably disown me. I wasn't sure if Mom would ever talk to me, either. Lisa would probably think it was the sweetest and cutest thing on the face of the planet, but she wasn't here to back me up on that. If she was, this would be so much easier.

"Thomas?" I blinked.

"No, Mom. Adam and I are just good friends." I told her. I don't know if either of them bought it for real, but at that moment, they seemed to accept my answer. I hugged them goodbye, saying that we had to head out and get on the road towards Seattle. I turned away, making my way towards the bus. There was an occasional fan who I signed an autograph for or took a picture with. But there wasn't much talking. I was gnawing on my bottom lip, trying to hold back the tears. I hated lying to my family.

When I finally stepped onto the bus, Adam was already there. We got it to ourselves for tonight. He was sitting on the couch, drinking a small glass of wine. It was his sort of after-show tradition. I didn't really have one. It depended on my mood and how the show itself had gone. But as the door hissed shut behind me, I couldn't help it. Tears welled and spilled, trailing down my cheeks and I collapsed beside him. Adam had swallowed the last of his wine and dropped his glass, letting it bounce on the couch as his hands pulled me into his arms.

"Baby— Glitterbaby, Tommy?" I choked, trying to breathe evenly, but when you're sobbing your eyes out. "Baby? What happened after I left?"

"They— they hate me… God, Adam… My dad… He— he l-looks like he-he's gonna disown me or s-something." I shook violently in his arms, trying to regain my composure. "I— I t-told them we w-were just friends…" Adam's fingers were running through my hair; he was trying to soothe me. I couldn't speak after that, I ended up just crying. I hadn't cried this hard since Adam and I broke up back in December. That had been a hard time for me. Weeks living with Keyboard Lisa because I'd sold my apartment while living with Adam.

"It's going to be okay, Tommy, I promise." He whispered. I shook my head, sitting up and looking at him.

"Adam, you don't get it… My parents hate gays. If they find out that I'm in love with you, they're gonna hate me too." My voice was shaky. It hurt to talk from crying. I imagined this was how it felt for Adam if he tried singing without warming up his voice.

"Tommy, if they hate their only son because he happens to love another guy, then obviously they don't deserve your love for them." His voice was soft, calm, and he reached over, brushing away the stray tears that were rolling down my face. "Now, I think we need to just, go in the back, I'll massage you down with this fantastic coconut cream lotion I got from Mom, it'll be nice, okay?" I nodded, smiling.

"Okay…" I said. Adam smiled at me, leaning over and capturing my lips with his. His tongue slid along my lower lip before snaking between my teeth. I moaned, reaching up and running my fingers through his hair. I gave it a gentle pull as he lifted me to my feet, guiding me to the back of the bus, where we shared the main bedroom. There were two tour buses and an equipment add-on.

He pushed the door open and kissed my cheek, and I slithered over to the bed. He shut the door and went to his bag, pulling out a bottle that, in shape, reminded me of sunscreen. But the bottle was a light blue with pictures of coconuts and flowers on it in tribal-esque design. I pulled my shirt over my head, laying flat on my stomach as Adam came back to me, straddling my hips. I heard him rub his hands together, before feeling them working the tension out of my shoulders. I sighed softly, moaning in relaxed pleasure.

"I know dealing with all of this is hard… but it's gonna work out just fine, baby. Remember that," he whispered, bending down and kissing the back of my head. "And remember that I love you." I smiled.

"I love you too, Adam."


	5. I Always Said to Be Yourself

**Chapter 5: I Always Said to Be Yourself But…****  
****Adam's POV**

Well, last night certainly could have been better. Don't even get me wrong. The show was fucking fantastic and left me a little more needy than usual, unfortunately sex did not happen last night because of two very inconvenient people in the crowd of adoring fans: Tommy's parents.

At first I thought it was so sweet. Tommy's parents came to support their baby boy during a huge performance in front of thousands of people. Then I found out why Tommy never mentioned his family before. Tommy's parents apparently hate gay people, which, in turn, meant they hated me. Bummer that their son fell in love with me…

I never thought Tommy's parents would be so cruel. Whatever they said to him after I left them alone really got my Glitterbaby upset. Weren't parents supposed to support their children no matter what happened? Well yes, that's how families are supposed to be but honestly? A lot of kids were disowned or abandoned because their children were homosexuals or drug addicts or alcoholics, maybe even whores. I was just a lucky guy, I realized. Sure, it took a while for my dad to warm up to the idea of me liking men, but he accepted it and he still loves me. My mom didn't care. She was happy to know that I did have interest in something because she thought I'd never meet the right girl.

Now I could see the ugliness of parents who didn't love their children unconditionally and I felt that if a parent couldn't love the child they brought into the world, they shouldn't be blessed with having the child in the first place. Parents like that did not deserve the love of their children because their children will always offer more than they are willing to give…

"Adam? Earth to Adam? We all realize you aren't from Earth but could you maybe return to us since Earth is our current location?" Monte asked, waving his hands in front of my face. Oh wow, I totally zoned out for God only knows how long.

"Sorry…" I mumbled, looking down at the food that was still stacked on my plate. I sighed, pushing it around some but never eating it.

"Eat Adam. If I find out that you're anorexic again, I swear to all that is good I _will_ force feed you," Monte threatened and I sighed again, putting a fork full of pancake into my mouth and puffing my cheeks out to emphasize I had food there. I swallowed as he rolled his eyes. I wasn't happy when Monte had called me out on not eating in front of the ENTIRE band... Long story short, they all found out that I didn't eat for like a two month period and they all made sure I ate at least three times a day. I gained back all the weight I lost but I honestly needed to. I was too skinny at the end of my "anorexic period" as the band had come to call it. God, I hate them sometimes. Why do I subject myself to this sort of abuse? I thought you had to have a fucking wife to be treated like this. _Hence the reason I'm fucking gay!_

"I'm eating, okay? I just have a lot on my mind right now," I said, stabbing at my pancakes again. "You don't need to bring that up every single time I don't feel like eating, Monte. It happens to everyone sometimes." There was a bit of a cold nip to my tone. Seriously, if you were me, would you want to be reminded of everything you ever did wrong on a daily basis by people you fucking employed? No, of course you wouldn't. Shut it, you wouldn't so stop disagreeing with me, dipthong.

"We just worry about you, bro," Monte said, returning to polish off his own plate of all you can eat pancakes. God he was just so disgusting when it came to his fucking food… That alone made me want to become an anorexic again…

Tommy looked over at me, a bit of a worried look on his face. I was sure he didn't get any sleep last night, and if was worrying about me now… that just wouldn't help him at all. "Don't worry Glitterbaby, I'm fine, okay? I'm not going anorexic, I promise," I said, kissing his lips gently, which tasted like blueberries. Yum blueberry syrup.

"Better not. I'll beat you," he said, cracking a bit of a smile.

"Yeah yeah, I'm sure you would because you're such a hard ass," I said, patting his cheek gently. "A hard ass that just happens to look a lot like an elf who wears make-up."A blush spread across his face and I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my lips. Okay, maybe I could eat a little more of my pancakes. But… when I looked back down, my plate was gone and Monte was now chomping down on my pancakes instead of ordering more for himself. "Monte, seriously? What the hell? You're all 'you need to eat or I'll force feed you' and then you just take my food from me? Why are you so fucked up?" Did anyone else realize that it was kind of easy for me to just go off into a rant when talking to people?

Monte looked up at me and with food still stuffed into his face he said: "well if you weren't going to eat it, someone needed to."

"I'm ganna go pay for _your_ food, seeing as I never get to eat anything," I mumbled, standing up from the table. I left the rest of the band to go pay the bill (which was never really under one-hundred dollars since there were so many of us and most of them ate like they would never get food again. I had every intention of going back to the table and ordering more pancakes (because I got over my little diva moment) but my phone went off rather loudly. My mother was calling and I couldn't ignore her because I hadn't talked to her in a long time. Plus, she could probably help me out with Tommy's problem.

I excused myself from the building and the AC to go stand out in the sun. "Hello?"

"Adam! I'm so glad I caught you. I haven't talked to you in days and I'm worried about my baby boy," she said into the receiver. I flushed, partly because my mother still babied me and partly because… well Tommy called me Babyboy (especially during foreplay and him fucking me). "I've been following all of your shows and things but I've been so anxious since I haven't been able to talk about." Always the loving mother.

"Mom, mom. Mom, I'm fine. It's good to talk to you too and I really miss you-" When you're talking to a frantic mother you can't really get two words in edgewise.

"I've noticed you and your bassist a lot in your performances. I know you say he's straight all the time, but if I know my son like I think I do, you like him and I think he likes you too," she said. I could practically hear her smile into the phone. She'd been worried since Drake broke up with me and I had told her about the rape. She's my mother, I couldn't just not tell her. Though, I hadn't actually told her about me and Tommy. It just hadn't come up, until now. "So, is there something going on between you two?" I know she wanted me to say;

"Yes. Yes mom, he's my boyfriend and I'm really happy with him." She almost giggled in delight.

"Oh honey! That's fantastic!" she exclaimed.

"Actually… mom? Can I maybe ask you for some advice?" I asked, frowning a little.

Her tone calmed some, though I could still hear the pleasure and satisfaction. I think she was just happy that her son, even while full grown and famous, would still ask for his mother's help. "Of course, Adam. You can talk to me about anything. What's up, honey?" she asked, switching into care giving mother.

"Well… last night I met Tommy's parents but they aren't… The hate gays and Tommy's sure he'll be disowned if his parents ever find out about our relationship. I want to help him. I want to calm him down and tell him everything's going to be okay, but I can't say something like that to him. I don't know what it's like to have parents who aren't willing to take care of everything their child needs or accept anything about their child. It's like… his parents don't love him enough. He's afraid to talk to them. He'd never be able to even have a conversation like this with his parents and I don't know what to do…" I said, sitting down on a parking cement block. "I hate seeing him like this and I'm worried…"

"Oh God, that's awful…" she mumbled, suddenly extremely serious. "Sweetheart, I know this must be really hard on Tommy but he needs to be honest with not only himself and you but honest with everyone important in his family. He just needs to be himself. If he's in love with you, he shouldn't be afraid to admit that, not to anybody and if his parents really care about him and love him, they won't disown him. Maybe it won't be easy on them to learn their son is gay but they will get over it and accept it if they love Tommy."

That's the answer I expected to get from her and it's honestly what I'd been thinking but Tommy's parents seemed so mean. They were so cold. They didn't hug Tommy or congratulate him or anything. His dad even glared at me! He wouldn't even fucking shake my hand! Like what, did he think he was going to catch 'gay' just by touching me? Okay, well Tommy did but that's beside the point… "I think he's too afraid to confront his parents," I said quietly into the phone.

"Isn't that how you felt when you came out to your father and me?" she asked me and I sighed deeply.

"Well, yeah… but Tommy's parents aren't like you and dad. They just seem so mean… I can understand why he wouldn't want to say anything but it's killing him to keep something so important from his parents," I said, frowning even more. I hated frowning, especially this much.

She sighed deeply into the phone. "Maybe you should talk to him, Sweetie. Sit him down and just tell him what you think he should do. I know this is affecting you as much as him and I would hate for you to be even more stressed after everything that's been going on," she said sweetly and I couldn't fight the smile. I loved my mommy so much…

"Thanks Mom. I dunno what I'd do without you," I said, smiling as the door to the pancake house opened. The band flooded out. "Oh, sorry Mom. I gotta go. We're leaving for a meet and greet. I'll call you later, promise."

"Please do. I hate not hearing from you. You're my baby," she said. Wow, Mom. Do you really need to be so embarrassing? Well… at least it's a phone conversation and not a live person one. The band would never let me live that. "I love you sweetheart."

"I know, Mom. I love you too. Bye-bye," I said and hit the END button on my phone.

Monte smirked at me. "Have a good time talking to your mommy, Adam?" he asked, helping me up onto my feet. I only smirked back at him.

"Not as good of a time as I had with your mom last night, dude," I said, taking Tommy's hand in mine and pulling him towards the bus. We settled down in the living room on the couch. "Baby, I think we need to talk after the show tonight. About your parents…" I whispered into his ear. So far my mother, Tommy, and I were the only ones who knew about Tommy's parents showing up at the show last night. I sighed deeply pulling Tommy against myself. "We need to figure this out tonight, okay?"


	6. Will Any Of This Matter?

**Chapter Six: When the sun burns out, will any of this matter?**

**(Tommy's POV)**

The whole thing with my parents had been eating me up. I didn't really want to talk to the band about it either because… Well, it would have caused a lot of unnecessary worry. As it was, earlier this year, when Adam and I broke up because of a certain ex, the entire band was constantly worried about us. It wasn't a very good environment and I didn't want them to have to go through that again. It would have been selfish of me.

So I kept it shut, even at dinner. We have another show in Los Angeles before we are to head up to Washington. We have a show in Seattle and then Portland, Oregon. But for some reason, I just… I wasn't as excited about the shows. I was worried that my parents were gonna find out that I was dating Adam (who they clearly do not have a fondness for), and at the same time I was worried, in general, about my dad. True, the venue had been dark, but he looked pale. And he's been known to get really sick off and on lately…

I tried to push it out of my head. I tried to clear it and enjoy my dinner with the band, but I wasn't into it. I mean, I was eating normally, I wasn't shoving my food around my plate (unlike Adam, as I noticed after about ten minutes into our meal). But… It was mechanical, almost. I was eating because I knew that I had to and that my body needed it, but all the same, I could have set down my fork and not touched my food and I would have felt fine. God…

I looked up as Monte was telling Adam that if he was going through another anorexic period, he'd force feed him. I hoped that wasn't the case. Adam had lost a lot of weight and… To be honest, it just didn't look right on him. The thinness wasn't his thing. He was meant to be that strong, muscle-y figure. Wide and safe, you know? It suited him. It complimented his height. With him being thin _and_ tall… It wasn't good. It made him look gangly, sick and, well, geeky. But don't tell him I said that.

Adam promised he wasn't, and when he caught my worried expression, he enforced his sureness even more. He took my hand before leaning over and kissing me, cleaning the last of the blueberry syrup off my tongue. I watched him lick his lips a little bit and I smiled at him.

"You'd better not. I'll beat you," I told him, chuckling a little before taking another bite of my pancakes. He smiled back at me.

"Yeah yeah, I'm sure you would because you're such a hard ass," he replied, patting my cheek gently with his palm. I opened my mouth to speak, but he continued. "A hard ass that just happens to look a lot like an elf who wears make-up." Heat spread across my face and I'm sure I looked like a cherry tomato for a second, and Adam laughed a little bit.

I kind of ignored the mini fight between Monte and Adam. Monte had decided to steal Adam's pancakes while we were talking, so Adam decided to get up and leave to go pay. I had just taken another bite of my food when my cell buzzed in my pocket. I swallowed, pulling out my phone to see a familiar name flashing on the screen. I slipped out of the booth, pressing the talk button and walking towards the men's bathroom at the back of the restaurant.

"Hello?" I said, slipping past a few people who either double-taked or stared as I went by. But I ignored them.

"Hey, Tommy!" Her voice was clear and happy. I smiled slightly.

"Hey, sis." If there was one person in my family I could say anything to, it was my sister, Lisa. She wasn't as rigid as my parents were. She was more open and accepting of everything. She had a good heart, as did my parents, but she saw things in a light that they didn't, and I appreciated that dearly. I hadn't always gotten the opportunity to talk to her, though. What with touring and everything. But she understood, you know? In fact, she told me once that she was jealous I was in Adam's band (she's a huge fan of his). She asked if he was as amazing as he seemed. I told her she had no idea.

"What's going on, bro?" I sighed softly, opening the bathroom door and slipping inside. Thankfully, it was one of those single bathrooms. I closed the door, locking it behind me before leaning against the wood. I hadn't told her, yet, that Adam and I were dating. I'd never been able to get a moment long enough to get the chance to call her. But now I had it. I was just debating whether or not I really should.

"Um, not much. Out at dinner with the band." I told her after running my fingers through my hair. I stared blankly down at the floor as she spoke.

"Ooh, should I let you go?" She asked, and I smiled.

"Nah. We're just about done."

"Gotcha." I bit down on my bottom lip for a moment.

"So what's up?" I asked her. Sure, it was a lame and overused question, but she probably had a reason for calling, didn't she?

"Not much, really. I was just calling to check in on you. I haven't heard from you in a couple of weeks and I wanted to know how the touring was going for you." A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth and I looked up, tilting my head back and staring up at the ceiling of the bathroom.

"Touring's going great." I said, though I'm sure my tone sounded a little flat.

"Just great?"

"Yeah." I said with a small sigh.

"Alright, Thomas, what's going on in that head of yours?" I glared, though I knew she wouldn't be able to see it,.

"Don't call me Thomas." I told her, and she laughed.

"I'm your older sister, I can do whatever the fuck I want. Now, tell me, Thomas Joseph Ratliff, what's going on?" I sighed. There is no escaping my sister, Lisa. She knows me too well.

"Mom and Dad came to the show the other night—" I began.

"Yeah, I heard about that." She intervened, and I inhaled slowly.

"And… That just happened to be a night that Adam and I kissed." I told her. She made an 'ooh' sound, as if she was feeling my pain. I'd only told her (after she saw a YouTube video) that what Adam and I did was purely for the show (not that she believed me). "And… Mom asked if there was anything going on between us."

"So, what'd you say?" I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"I said there was nothing." There was a bit of silence on the other end of the line, and I could imagine her twirling a lock of her hair; that's what she would do when she was thinking.

"You lied, didn't you?" Like I said, she knows me too well.

"Yeah."

"I figured you two had something going on. I can see it when you look at him during, what's it called, _Fever_?" I frowned a little bit.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, in some of the vids I've seen, during Fever, you have this… this _look_ in your eye when you look at Adam, usually right before he kisses you. And, honey, if there was nothing going on between you, you wouldn't kiss back so passionately." I closed my eyes and groaned a little, leaning my head against the door.

"Why do you know me so well?" She laughed on the other end of the line.

"Because I'm your sister." I sighed, before laughing a little bit. She had a point. All through school, she was the person I could go to with anything and everything. She knew about the times that I got heartbroken by a girl or the times that I had been on the verge of punching someone in the face. She even knew about the one and only time that I had kissed a guy during high school. It had been a Friday night and there had been a lot of drinking involved, and for some unknown reason, me and a bunch of friends had played Truth or Dare or something (go figure). And that had been my dare, and I'd sworn never to do it again.

Well, that was a lie.

"I just… I don't know what to do. I can't tell them, obviously. But at the same time, I know if I just keep hiding it and pretending it's not actually happening, then Adam's gonna be upset. That's the one thing we agreed upon. We wouldn't hide each other from family or friends. The media is one thing." I could imagine her nodding thoughtfully.

"Did he meet Mom and Dad?" My throat closed up a little bit.

"Yeah."

"Oh, dear." She said.

"Yeah, exactly." I remembered that Dad's face had been a little pale, ashy with what was probably nothing more than a cold, but I wasn't sure if I should bring it up. Lisa was the kind of person who, if she caught wind someone wasn't feeling well, she wouldn't leave the situation alone until they were one-hundred percent better. There was a nagging in the back of my throat to tell her but I didn't want her to panic if it was nothing at all…

"Well, the best I can say is talk to Adam about it. See what he suggests and try to figure out if and when you're going to tell Mom and Dad—" my heart stopped.

"Lisa, I can't—" but I knew she wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Tommy, you're going to have to, and you know that. You can't keep your relationship a secret, they're going to find out eventually about it. It's not something you can hide. If you just… explain, they'll come to terms with it. Maybe not immediately, but they will. You have to give them a chance." I sighed heavily.

"Lisa, Dad looked like he was about to disown me _at the fucking show_ the other night. And that was only because of the kiss. If he finds out I'm dating and _fucking_ and _being fucked _ on a regular basis by another guy, regardless of the fact that that guy is a worldwide superstar, he'll never speak to me again, and you know that." I told her harshly. The nice thing about mine and Lisa's relationship was that we could be blunt with each other and not have a problem.

"I know, Tommy. I know that, but you have to. It'll be better if it comes from you and not fans or the media." At that point, I knew I had lost the argument entirely, and that if I tried to fight anymore, it would just be pointless and cause issues. I sighed again, running my fingers through my hair and pulling out a few snarls of tangles.

"Okay. I can't promise it'll be, like, immediately soon, but… I will." I told her.

"Okay, honey. You should probably get going before Adam comes to hunt down your sexy ass." I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. Love you, Lisa."

"Love you too, little brother."

"Bye."

"Bye, Tommy." I closed my phone and slipped it back into my pocket before turning and unlocking the door, slipping out slowly and trying to walk unnoticed. I kept my head down and shoved my hands into my pockets, quickly falling in step beside Cam as we all began to head out of the restaurant and towards the buses out front. I noticed, after passing through the front doors that Adam was just getting off the phone. And from what I heard from Monte, it was his mother.

Adam took my hand, pulling me towards the buses. We climbed aboard and plopped down on the couch, snuggling together. My back was pressed against his chest and he wrapped his arms around me, his lips right beside my left ear. "Baby, I think we need to talk after the show tonight. About your parents… We need to figure this out tonight, okay?" I nodded once against his lips, and he pulled away again, before pulling me closer to him. I curled up, mostly on his lap and in his arms, and I closed my eyes. I knew we had to talk about it, but I didn't really want to talk about it right now, per say.

"Maybe a little later. I just got off the phone with my sister about it. And with dinner, I'm kinda tired." I told him. He sighed. I knew he wanted to talk about it now. The sooner it got dealt with, the better for the both of us and everyone else. But my head was so filled with questions and scenarios and fears that I just wanted to curl into a ball in the dark and go to sleep. But I couldn't. I couldn't keep running from it.

Adam took one of my hands in his, lacing our fingers together. I was drifting in and out, but I wasn't really sleeping, nor was I awake. The only thing I was truly and completely conscious of was the coolness of the ring on his finger against my skin and the nagging that I knew I had to face this issue soon.


	7. Who Can You Trust?

**Chapter Seven: When You Can't Trust Family, Who Can You Trust?  
Adam's POV**

My phone conversation with my mother was… helpful, but I had absolutely no idea how to actually put my mother's advice into action. I mean, just forcing my views into Tommy's line of sight wasn't enough to fix what he was going through. I wanted to tell him to just admit to his parents that we were dating, but I didn't know what it was like to have parents who were so un-accepting of homosexuality.

A sigh rolled off my lips as I applied my "guy-liner". I was getting ready for tonight's show, but I just wasn't feeling it. Our last performance kind of killed my mood. Oh yeah, and Monte fucking stealing my pancakes. I was still miffed about that… You go to an all you can eat pancake house and you eat all of your pancakes. Fucking order more! Don't steal your best friend's pancakes, God.

"Adam? You almost ready?" Sasha asked from the doorway. Actually, I wasn't. I had almost none of the pounds of make-up I needed on and I wasn't in my first outfit. "Adam? You okay? Usually you can't wait to start. Something bothering you?" she asked, walking into my dressing room and sitting down next to me on my little bench thing.

"I met Tommy's parents last night and they were pissed about our on-stage kiss. Tommy's terrified of his parents finding out we actually are dating, but lying about it… I don't think he's doing himself or his family any favors by just ignoring it," I said quietly as I drew a dark, smudged line under my other eye. "But I also don't want him to feel he has to tell because of me. I don't want him to confront this because I'm selfish. I want him to confront it because I think it'll be best for him…"

Sasha put a hand on my back, rubbing it gently. She was always so understanding… So loving and helpful. If she couldn't actually help you with a problem, she would be the biggest support there was. "It's hard to figure out what to do when someone is caught between the person they love and the family that's supposed to love them. Baby I know you're worried, but all you can do is be honest with Tommy and if he doesn't want to tell them, you have to push your case a little. If it doesn't work, then you need to be supportive," she said.

Yet again, another sigh rolled off my tongue. "I wish I was as smart as you," I said, smiling at her. "But really, thanks for the help. Now… I hate to kick you out, but I've got to get dressed and I'm not really down with the whole 'getting naked with girls in the room' thing like most guys are," I said, blushing slightly. I could feel the heat radiating off of my cheeks. I may not be shy for many things, but the idea of getting naked in front of a girl… That was super embarrassing, even for a flamming rock star.

"What, do you think I'm going to rape you?" she asked, clearly teasing me. I could practically feel someone coloring in the pale skin of my face with a red sharpie marker.

"I wouldn't put it past you. Girls can't keep their hands off of me," I teased, forcing a smirk through my embarrassment. My reward was a punch to the shoulder. "Ow… you hit hard for a girl…" I whined, shooing her away. "Seriously, get out. I need to get changed. Now, or we're ganna have a riot on our hands." I suppose the thought of a mob of girls and gay boys was an extremely scary thought because she simply nodded and exited the room. I had just enough time to get dressed and fix my hair before the show was scheduled to start. Three minutes late. Hopefully nobody noticed… I mean come on, rock stars are late all the time. At least I attempt to be on time, unlike most famous people who simply don't care about pleasing their fans.

The show, despite my bad mood, was a complete success. Girls even threw their panties at me and I couldn't help but wonder what Tommy would look like in a pair of those…. I had to continuously remind myself not to think of that because I didn't need to get a hard on in these pants… They were WAY to fucking tight! So I instead tried to figure out how the girls even got their panties off to throw at me if they were wearing pants (total turn off). Don't get me wrong. Girls are pretty to look at, even okay to kiss but just the thought of… having sex with a girl? Ugh, no thanks… Give me a cute boy any day.

"I can't believe you're gay and so many girls are still in love with you anyway," Monte said to me as we walked off the stage after the encore songs.

"What do you care? You're married remember?" I commented, smirking at my friend. Oh yeah, I could hold grudges for a long time and even for things that were stupid, like eating my pancakes. "Girls shouldn't be tempting you with their giant breasts and extremely skanky panties."

"But you've got Tommy," he countered.

That was a very true statement, however irrelevant. "Tommy's my boyfriend and I'm _gay_. What does he have to worry about if girls are throwing their panties at me? The worst thing he's got to worry about is me trying to get him into a pair," I said, smirking. Yeah, fuck with me and my pancakes, Monte. I'll always win. "And I need to talk to Tommy, so I'll leave you with that Monterific," I said, patting him on the shoulder.

I needed to talk to Tommy but I needed to scrap off the war paint before I could do that, because there is no way in hell I was going to go through the rest of the night with twenty pounds of make-up on my face. De-glamming was a slow and painful process, not kidding. Getting some of this make-up off was hard and it fucking hurt to scrap it off. Yeah, I know, I'm a drama queen, but if you had to go through this every night, you'd be the exact same way. Yes, you would, shut up.

"Adam? We're heading to the hotel. You ready?" A soft and familiar voice asked. I turned to look at Tommy and I smiled at him. I'd finally gotten the obnoxious amount of make-up off my face and was in normal attire. Well as normal as clothing got for me anyways. "Babyboy?" Tommy's arms wrapped lightly around me from behind. Sure, the fans had no idea that I was a little off today, but Tommy definitely knew. After everything we'd gone through as a couple? It would be impossible not to understand each other on such an intimate level.

"Yeah, I'm ready," I said, standing up and wrapping my arms around Tommy tightly. "But you know we do need to talk…" He sighed against me but nodded. We both knew this needed to be taken care of.

"But not here, okay?" he requested, leaning against me.

My lips pressed into his soft hair. "Of course baby. Let's go back to the hotel room," I muttered into his hair, keeping arm tightly around the blond. I kept my arm around him, assuming most of the fans had left already since we didn't go out to sign autographs. Tonight was just not a night to deal with fans, you know? Well, no you probably don't. You guys aren't famous yet (key word being yet).

The limo ride back to the hotel was eerily silent. Tommy's head was on my shoulder and he looked like he was asleep. A sleeping angel. Monte was starring at the floor of the limo and Longineu was watching the city lights fly by. The silence was unnerving and I hated it. This just wasn't like my band and I wanted to know where they all went. I knew it was probably my fault. They all knew I was in an iffy mood, so none of them wanted to get on my bad side. When did I become such a horrifying person? I think I'm nice enough… I've never killed anyone. Hell, I've never even punched someone. Okay, that one might be a lie, but I'm generally a nice person. I'm a giver and a taker like everyone else, so why is it that people are afraid of me, it seems?

Needless to say, I was delighted when the limo actually pulled up to our hotel. It meant that I got to get out of the horrid silence, though I wasn't looking forward to the conversation Tommy and I needed to have… I'd rather take the blond upstairs and fuck his brains out, but I couldn't do that. Not tonight…

"Good night guys. Been a long day. I think Tommy and I are ganna head to bed," I said once the limo pulled to a stop. I got up, moving over to the door.

"Oh we all know what you two are going to be doing," Monte said, smirking at me.

"Actually, tonight you're wrong. I'm not going to fuck his brains out, and he'd not going to fuck mine out. Nice try though, Monte," I said, smirking back at the guitar player. He frowned because he'd lost another battle in our war of words today. "Come on Glitterbaby, let's go to bed," I said, taking the blonde's hand in mine and pulling him towards the hotel. We rode up the elevator in silence. I kept him in my arms. I was in a funky mood but Tommy was borderline depressed. He never let it show on stage, but I could see right through his little charade.

"Glitterbaby, calm down. It's okay… I know what you're going through isn't easy, baby but I'm here, okay? I just want to help you," I muttered softly, leaning down to press my lips to his. Surprisingly he moaned into my lips and kissed me back eagerly. We kissed until the elevator doors opened. "Baby, don't think you're getting out of this conversation just but raping me with your tongue," I teased, pulling away from the kiss and taking Tommy out of the elevator.

"Adam… I… I don't really want to talk about this," he said, forcing a frown out of me.

"I know baby… I know but we need to talk about this. We need to figure it out and make things better… Let's take a bath. Try to relax so talking won't seem that bad?" I offered as we approached our door. I swiped the hotel key card, watched the little light on the lock turn green and turned the knob, pushing the door open.

Tommy sighed. "Alright, sounds good to me…" he said quietly. God, I felt so bad for him… Why couldn't his parents just understand? Why couldn't his parents just love him for who he was. Why did they have to have gays so much that they would seriously consider disowning their only son because he fell in love with a man. In fact, I felt horrible for Tommy because I was the entire root of his problem. I knew he loves me, but I wondered if there was any sort of resentment towards me now too…

I pressed a kiss into his hairline again. "Baby…. I love you," I said softly, pushing his shirt up his torso. I broke the kiss just long enough to pull his shirt of his head. He followed my lead and pulled my shirt up over my head. "I wish this didn't have to be so hard, Glitterbaby… If I could make this better for you, I would…" Guilt was swelling in my heart. I loved Tommy but was my love enough to make him happy? I was beginning to doubt that…

Tommy's hands were already pulling my belt undone. He undid my pants and pushed them to the floor. "I love you too, Adam," he said softly, pressing his lips to mine as I fiddled with his pants. We weren't desperate to have sex or anything, but we were desperate to be close.


	8. It's All For The Best, Because It Is

**Chapter Eight: It's all for the best, because it is...  
**

**(Tommy's POV)**

Undressed, Adam pulled me towards the hotel bathroom, leaving soft kisses on my skin and my lips. I wanted nothing more than to just soak in the bath and then have him make slow, soft love to me, but something inside of me said that I would not be granted the second half of my wish tonight. It shouldn't surprise me, and, honestly, it doesn't, but that doesn't mean I'm not disappointed any less.

I sat down on the edge of the tub as Adam reached over, turning the faucet for hot water, letting the crystal clear and scalding water pour into the tub (which was actually big enough for the both of us). Adam slid into the tub first, before pulling me in after, the water sloshing a little around our bodies and lightly burning our skin from the heat. I nestled between his legs (shut up), my back pressed to his chest. My legs stretched and touched the other side of the tub, but because he was taller his knees were bent beside me.

The tub filled rather quickly, so after a few moments I was able to reach forward and shut it off. At first, we just sat there together in silent, his arms around me and my back against his chest. My eyes were closed and I just… relaxed. I hadn't relaxed in a really long time, partly from the stress of the tour, but now, also, because of my parents. Ugh. I really didn't want to talk about them, but I knew this whole mess had to be sorted out sooner or later. Adam preferred the sooner.

He dipped his hand, which was holding a bar of soap, into the water before pulling it back up and rubbing it over my chest and the fronts of my shoulders. I sighed softly, reclining against him as his hands massaged my skin. He kissed the back of my head before his lips rested by my ear. "I know this is hard and that it's difficult, Tommy, but maybe if you just talk to them—"

"Baby, what more do I have to say about this?" I cut him off, turning my head to the side so that I could see him a little better. "If I try to talk to them about it, then they'll figure out that we're dating and they'll disown me. They… They don't like people… like _us_. I love you to death, but they're my family and I love them too. I can't live without any you…" I told him, my voice quivering. I didn't want to cry. I couldn't cry, not in front of my baby. Not again.

Adam sighed heavily, setting the soap down on the side of the tub. His hands gently rubbed my shoulders, his fingers digging into the knots of stress. I groaned, dipping my head down a little. His thumbs worked circles into my neck, his lips leaving feather-light kisses on my shoulders and the back of my head. I let my eyes slip shut as he rubbed a little harder before pulling me back against his chest.

"I know. Believe me, baby, I know. But… They'll come to terms with it. They're your parents. They should know that your happiness and you success in life is more important than the fact that the person you're dating happens to be of the same gender." Adam's voice was calm, soft and sweet. I felt the sting of tears welling in my eyes before spilling and falling into the bath water.

"Besides… I'll be here with you, all the way. Every step, Glitterbaby." He whispered into my ear before kissing the back of my neck again. I inhaled shakily and he reached around, gripping my chin and turning my head towards him. He frowned, and I looked down, away from his eyes. He could see that I was crying like a little girl again. Why did I have to be so emotionally unstable with him? I remember when there was a time that I was never like this…

"Baby?" He asked me, wiping away the tears, and I shook my head.

"I don't wanna lose you. But I don't wanna lose them, either. I mean… They're…" I mumbled softly. Adam sighed again, kissing my cheek before pulling me into a tight, warm hug. I curled up as best I could in his arms, trying to keep myself from sobbing. This was all so fucking difficult and I didn't want it to be! But I didn't know how to talk to my parents. I didn't know what to say, and even if I did, I wasn't sure I'd know exactly how to say it either!

"Calm down, Glitterbaby, everything's gonna be okay…" He whispered in my ear again. I shook my head slowly, before pulling out of his arms and standing from the tub. I grabbed a towel, drying off and wrapping it around my waist. The water sloshed and I knew that Adam was getting out to follow me. I didn't want to be in the bathroom anymore. I wanted to sleep. Just… sleep off this aggravation and this stress. We were gonna be heading out to Washington and Oregon before going back to California and… I couldn't handle all of this at once.

"Tommy?" Adam called after me and I turned, looking up at him. He was quickly drying off and wrapping the towel around his hips. He reached up and palmed my cheek in his hand, his thumb rubbing a gentle circle into the skin. I sighed softly, leaning into his touch for a moment before looking back up at him again. "When I say it'll get better, do you believe me?" My heart pounded in my chest and I saw a familiar look in his eyes along with words that sounded similar but not… God…

"_When I tell you, over and over, that I love you so much… do you believe me?"_

I shuddered a little, and I know that he felt it because he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against mine gently. Of course… I always believed him. But, back then, I was so torn and distraught, worrying myself to death I said things I didn't really mean. And it hurt us. And now? Now things are good. Better than before, but the words resurfaced with subtle changes, and they attached themselves to a different kind of issue. I wasn't concerned anymore with whether or not Adam's ex boyfriend was pulling my baby away… But I was almost tempted to fall to my knees and beg God to have a similar case again…

Almost. But not quite.

I nodded once, to answer his question and to answer the memory that was still replaying itself in my head. I didn't want to remember it, but I had no choice. Adam's words were too much like that of the same question he'd asked me what felt like years before, when in truth it was only six months ago… Fuck, time moves too damn slowly. Or maybe it moved faster than I thought. I wasn't sure.

"Come on, baby. Let's go to bed. We've got a long couple of days ahead of us," Adam said softly, kissing my cheek and turning me around so that I could walk out of the bathroom with him. He must've hit the drain because the tub was empty as we left. I grabbed the edge of the towel, pulling it away from my body and bending down, fishing through my suitcase and snatching a pair of pajama pants out. Adam followed in suit, but with his own case, and soon we were slipping under the blankets, his arms tightly around my small frame.

"It's gonna be okay," he said again, reiterating what he'd been trying to get into my head all night. I nodded once, turning in his arms so that I faced him in the darkness. I reached up, my fingers trailing up his chest and up his throat, curving around the edge of his jaw and over his lips. He kissed my fingertips gently, leaning down and pressing his lips to mine in a soft, sweet peck. "We'll figure it out."

"I know… I know we will, it's just… What am I gonna do? If they… If they disown me, then…" Adam silenced me with another kiss; urgent and caring. I moaned softly, feeling, again, the sting of tears pulsing behind my closed eyes. I hated being so Goddamn weak…

"They're not going to disown you. And if they do, they're not deserving of having you for a son. I'll always be here for you. As will Monte, Longineu, Camila, Terrance, Taylor, Brooke, Sasha, my parents, Neil—" I snorted at the mention of Neil's name, but somehow Adam seemed to be speaking true, even about his negative brother, "—we're all here for you, baby. We're your family, too."

Adam was right. Of course he was, he knew me too damned well not to be right. I curled up closer into his arms, breathing deeply. But sleep didn't grace me so quickly as I might've wanted it. And I knew that it didn't grace Adam, either, for his breathing was not deep like it would have been had he fallen asleep. I nuzzled my head against his chest, my lips barely touching the crook of his neck. His hands rubbed my back gently, warm and soothing against my skin. I leaned forward the half-inch, kissing his neck.

"Alright," I said after a long silence. Adam hummed in response, possibly to ask what I meant. "I'll talk to them… When we're in San Francisco. I'll go visit them and I'll tell them." I told him. My heart was thrashing though. San Francisco wasn't that far away. A few days, maybe, but nothing more. That didn't give me nearly the time I would have liked to prepare myself against what they would say as retaliation, but it would have to do.

"Are you sure, baby?" He asked me, and I nodded against his chest.

"Yes. I don't know when we'd go back to California, and I can't imagine my parents flying or driving all the way to some other city to see your show again. I mean… After what already happened when they came out, I don't want to chance waiting any longer than necessary." Adam hummed again in understanding, pulling me even closer so that I was half-way on top of him, my palm resting flat on his chest. He laid on his back, my head resting against a space between his shoulder and his chest, my body turned towards the bed itself. His hands still remained mostly on my back, though on hand weaved itself into my hair, stroking it gently.

"Okay… Do you want me to be there with you? When you tell them?" He asked me, and I bit my lip, thinking about it for a moment. I did, as moral support and a crutch in case I fall. But I wasn't sure if having him there would truly make the situation better. I already knew my parents weren't fond of him because he was gay and that we made out on stage (twice that they knew of).

"I do… But I don't know if…" I trailed off, and he seemed to understand.

"You don't know if it'll help or ruin the whole thing, right?" I sighed. Adam, you know me too well.

"Yeah." I said softly, unsure of what to do now. I'd come to the conclusion that I was going to talk to them, there was no way I could back out of that now. But now I was faced with whether or not I would have my boyfriend there to hold my hand. Should I be showered with rage and anger, then yes, I would want him there to keep me up. But what if their rage was not directed at me, but at Adam? What if they said things to hurt him while he was there? We'd already gone through one bad breakup once, I didn't want to particularly suffer it again…

"We'll talk about it more, later. Push comes to shove, we'll take the moment as it comes. For now, go to sleep, Glitterbaby." I nodded, feeling him kiss my forehead.

"Goodnight, Adam."

"Goodnight, Tommy. I love you." The smile pulled my lips without me thinking about it, and I snuggled closer.

"I love you, too, Adam."


	9. Look At This Photograph

**Chapter Nine: Look at This Photograph, Every Time I Do…  
Adam's POV**

Tommy had gotten a call from his mom. Apparently his dad had gotten really, really sick. That whole thing about Tommy telling his parents he was gay and in a relationship with me? Yeah, not going to happen now. Not that I think Tommy should go telling his parents something as shocking as that in such an awful time, but now I've come to the conclusion that Tommy will stretch this as thin as it will go to get out of telling his parents. Alright Tommy, whatever you want…

Portland, Oregon was the show and to be truthful, I wasn't feeling it. I had to substitute a bass player because Tommy had left to go be with his father. I'm not mad or upset because if my father was sick, I would leave my own damned show to go be with him, but I didn't exactly want to do a show without Tommy. I wanted him to be on stage, playing his bass and then, once the show was over, I wanted the real show to get started, if you catch my drift.

But… Tommy needed to be with his family and, more importantly, his father. His family didn't like me and I knew that, but they were his family and my heart lunged out to them. I only wished I could help, but honestly? How was I supposed to do that? Aside from sending flowers or something, there wasn't a whole lot of good I could do for them.

"Adam? You ready? It's almost show time, you know," Monte said, poking his head into my dressing room. I was still half naked, though all of my make-up had been done along with my hair.

"Yeah… yeah, I'll be out in a second," I said, standing up to finish glamming myself up.

Monte frowned at me and came over. He'd seen me in situations with a lot less clothing on than me just wearing pants, so it didn't bother me much (and no, I didn't mean sexual. I love Monte but I would never… do _stuff_ with him…) "Adam, you okay?" he asked me, like it wasn't obvious what I was upset about.

"Yeah, I just don't really wanna do the show without Tommy and I'm worried about him. You know, lover stuff…" I mumbled, pulling my first shirt on.

He patted me gently on the shoulder. "Adam, I know you're worried sick about Tommy, but you've got a thousand, probably more, fans out there waiting to see you and if they don't, we're going to have a riot on our hands. You might even get raped by a few girls." We both laughed at that. What happened with Drake all that time ago didn't really seem real anymore and rape wasn't as touchy of a subject as it used to be for me. I kept telling myself that there was something wrong with Drake, like he was suffering or mentally unstable throughout not only the rape, but that whole ordeal of him trying to get me back. I knew he still had feelings for me but… that was extreme, especially for him. He'd always been so calm and collected.

Why am I even thinking about Drake right now? I should be thinking about my show and after the show, I should be worrying about Tommy, not trying to figure out what went wrong in my ex-boyfriend's head. I just… I prayed to Rah that my breaking up with Drake in the first place wasn't the cause of whatever was wrong with him. I… wouldn't be able to handle knowing something like that…

I'm a mess today.

"How would they rape me? Unless they have a few surprises that most people wouldn't know about?" I asked, laughing softly. Fuck, we were all so perverted. It wasn't just me and Tommy but the entire band and all of the dancers too. Maybe that's how we could stand each other all the time, even when cooped up together for long periods of time; we just meshed well.

"Adam, god only knows what kind of people your fans are," he said, teasing me. He was trying to get me into a better mood, and it was working, I had to admit.

But I didn't let him see my smile. Instead, I rolled my eyes and pushed him playfully. "Alright Monte, going a little too far there, don't you think?" I asked, pulling the rest of my clothing on. "Now come on, I don't want to disappoint my fans by being more late than I already am," I added, walking out of the dressing room. I took my glistening mic, making sure it was turned on before I took my place.

Despite Tommy not being there, I eventually got into the rhythm of things. Of course Fever wasn't the same without him there. I had nobody to send sexual stares at. Nobody to possibly kiss obnoxious on stage during the show and off stage afterwards. I suppose I could have looked at someone in the audience like that, but I didn't want people to start labeling me as more of a whore than they already did. Though… what did I really care about that? It made me more fucking famous. And it was too funny when people tried to get me in bed with them. Though, when drunk bitches shove their tongues down my throat… that isn't too fun.

My God, I am so off my game tonight. I keep spacing and getting side tracked by things that really have nothing to do with me putting on a great show… Nobody seemed to notice though. Apparently I'd gotten so used to our show's run through that I didn't even need to concentrate on it to perform like I usually do. I hate admitting that because usually, I put my heart and soul into every performance, but I just wasn't into it tonight… I wanted to sigh, but obviously couldn't because I was singing and dancing in front of a gigantic number of people.

I danced like nothing was wrong, sang like I was the happiest person in the world and even managed to get a few decent smiles out. My performance was apparently flawless to the people in the audience but that was probably because the only other performances they've seen of me were Idol (extremely fucking awkward a lot of the time), TV performances (the camera always makes you look strange) and crappy (and illegal) video recordings of my previous shows.

To my fans, I was some sort of God. They were screaming my name and every time I opened my mouth, they would let out a scream of pure pleasure. Every single person I could see the details of were singing along with me. All of them we ecstatic to be there and I felt guilty that I wasn't returning their feelings. Usually I was at my fucking highest (aside from certain things I did with a certain blond) when I was performing but tonight was just not my night.

Fortunately it was all of their nights because they all begged me for more. I felt a million times better by the end of the show but there was still that emptiness of Tommy, my bass player and my lover, not being there to share in the glory. The feeling of making a person's life just a little bit more exciting shouldn't just be felt by a few people and I really wished that Tommy didn't have to miss out on it but…

Family always comes first. Every single time they come first. Without family, without the foundation that a family supplies for someone, that person can't really function properly.

I thanked the fans for being a great audience because truly, that's what they were. Fantastic and so full of life even if I wasn't quite up to par. I was really sad to leave such a great crowd but I couldn't just play for one crowd forever. That would have been selfish of me… And selfish of the crowd too, just to make myself seem like less of a bad person… Ha ha, wow I sound like I'm high…

I wonder how Tommy's doing…

Once I walked off stage to strip off the war paint, my mind was flooded with Tommy. Tommy's face, the way his skin felt, the way my heart ached when I saw him upset or crying… I wanted to hold my baby and tell him everything was going to be okay. I wasn't sure if he would believe me and I wasn't even sure everything was going to be okay, but I had to at least try to comfort him…

When I got back to my dressing room, I walked over to the vanity and picked up my iPhone. I brought up the text message screen typing in a _'Thinking about u and worried. Just wanted to let u no I love you and that everything is ganna be alright'_ and hit send. I watched the phone light up and say "message sent" before I set it down to start getting changed. I was never sure if I had reception in concert halls because sometimes they were made out of really thick shit that cell phone signal just didn't get through.

It took a little while, but I eventually got all the make-up scrapped off my face. After every show, when I was taking my make-up off, I always felt a little insecure because I looked (not to toot my own horn or anything) pretty much flawless. Sure, I could stand to drop a few more pounds but I had a pretty face with that make-up on and when I scraped it all off, it was like I could see every single imperfection I had. I felt ugly for a few minutes and without Tommy there saying that I was being ridiculous wasn't helping me much tonight. I sighed deeply. Oh well, other people like staring at my face, so I guess that's all that really matters. I don't have to look at it all the time, I just wanted Tommy to be there, yelling at me for calling myself ugly because he always made me feel so great about myself…

Another sigh escaped my lips as I pulled on a pair of skinny jeans, my queen tee and a baseball cap. I wanted to go out and see my fans, sign some autographs and stuff but, at the same time, I just wasn't feeling up to it. I wanted to go back to the bus, lay down and close my eyes. I knew I wouldn't get much sleep with the way I was worrying about Tommy, but at least I could fake it. At least I could somewhat relax and not have to deal with anything for a little while.

I wanted to call Tommy before I went to bed, but I knew he was probably at a hospital or something. If his phone was even on, I'd be lucky to get a text from him before I fell asleep, let alone an actual call. I wanted to hear his voice to know he was alright but I knew I wouldn't be talking to him tonight. I guess I'd hold my breath for tomorrow, but even that was a little bit of wishful thinking, I thought. He'd be wrapped up in all of his family affairs. I knew that much was true, but… I was basically his family too, right? I mean, we were in an extremely committed relationship so he can at least call me to let me know he's doing okay and how things are going to ease my worried.

I hoped he would call me tomorrow so he could accomplish all that but I kept reminding myself that his father came first. His father was the most important thing right now and if he didn't have time for me, he didn't have time for me. No matter how much I did not like the sound of that…


	10. Picture Perfect Memories

**Chapter Ten: Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor**

**Tommy's POV**

_Dad's sick_.

Those were the only words spinning through my head as I sat, impatiently, on a flight back home to Burbank. Dad was sick? How could he've been sick? I'd seen him just a few days ago and he looked… Well, he didn't look perfect, but he still looked okay. Healthy, to an extent of a man at his age. But not sickly. And now he was? And… Oh, God… Dad's sick. My _dad is sick_.

I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay and be with Adam and the band and the show but when Adam had come into the dressing room where I'd taken the call and seen my face, he wouldn't hear of it. He didn't seem happy about my leaving— and I totally understood why, I didn't want to leave, either— but all the same he wouldn't let me stay. He told me to go be with my family.

So, I packed a small bag of clothes and some money and I told Longineu what was going on and I left. I hailed a cab and I left the venue, heading for the Portland airport as fast as the cab could take me. I was fidgety and wanting so badly to jump to the front of the cab, kick the driver out and drive myself. But I was quickly aware that Portland was a lot more confusing than I gave it credit for, and resulted in staying in my seat for the rest of the drive.

I kept messing with my phone, debating on texting Adam and texting my sister, Lisa and my mom and— I ended up just shoving it into my pocket and ignoring it for a little while. I didn't want to deal with the fans who were tweeting me and saying they saw me leave and this and that. I just… I didn't even know what I wanted, anymore. I wanted to be with Adam but I needed to be with my family. I needed to tell my family about mine and Adam's relationship, but I couldn't at a time like this…

Tears stung my vision as the cab pulled up into the airport parking lot. I paid the driver before grabbing my bag and sliding out, rushing into the building to the nearest airline counter. I asked for the soonest flight to Burbank and they said there was one leaving in an hour. I begged and pleaded and they let me pay for the ticket before getting security to escort me through baggage check and to the plane. Normally, this shit wouldn't be happening, but this was a little bit of a different case (the woman at the counter recognized me from a previous show, oi vey).

The three and a half hour flight that I had to suffer through felt like eternity. I kept messing with my phone and changing the songs on my iPod and just being twitchy and impatient. I was fortunate, though, to get a seat at the front of the plane so that, upon landing, I was able to just grab my bag and dash out of the plane. I raced down the little hallway towards the terminal, glancing around before seeing the spot of dark blond hair and matching brown eyes. Lisa. She was already here, waiting for me.

"Lisa." I called out to her and she turned her head, facing me. Her eyes were red and she looked a little rough. I felt my heart clenching in my chest as I dropped my bag by our feet before giving her a big, fat hug. Her arms are tight around my neck and shoulders as mine go around her waist gently, my face buried against her left shoulder. She trembled slightly, probably trying to hold back tears as I had been a few hours ago.

She didn't say a word to me as she reached down and grabbed my bag for me, taking my hand in hers as she pulled me through the airport terminal towards the entrance and through the parking lot. California was a hell of a lot warmer than Oregon, though at noon-ish, Portland had been quite a nice, toasty high-nineties. California was into the low hundreds in terms of heat, but I'd always been used to weather like this. Fuck, I grew up in all of it.

Lisa pulled me to her car, where she unlocked it and tossed my bag into the backseats as I slid into the passenger seat. She climbed into the driver's side, shutting her door and starting the engine. There was no music, no distraction as she pulled out of the spot and out of the lot, heading down the road towards the freeway, back into town where the hospital was. My memory was being reopened and tested as we passed familiar landmarks and old, childhood places.

But there was no true comfort in coming home. Maybe if the circumstances were different. Maybe if I wasn't leaving the show to come see just how sick my dad actually was. Maybe then, if all of that wasn't happening, I'd be happy about coming back to Burbank. But I just wasn't. I wanted to tell Lisa to turn around, take me back to the airport so I could go back to Oregon. But I didn't say a word to her. I kept quiet, sitting back into the seat and trying not to let my thoughts overwhelm me.

And yet, I had to wonder to myself, how was Adam doing? How was he handling being bassist-less for a night? How was he handling without me being with him? Okay, that sounded like I was his fucking baby-sitter, and I wasn't. But… Adam and I had been through a lot of hard times together, some that could have destroyed our relationship entirely. But we kept fighting through and we promised to be together through it all. However, I knew Adam was going to worry— it was his nature. But I didn't want him to worry all through the show and not have a good time.

Lisa changed lanes before pulling off the freeway and heading into downtown Burbank. I think, with every minute passing and getting closer, my heart was pounding just a little harder. What if, when we got there, Dad was awake and asked about Adam? What if he wasn't awake? What if he wasn't— no. No, he'd be fine. I had to believe that he'd be fine. Because it just wouldn't be fucking fair if he was… Was gone before I could tell him the truth. It just wouldn't be right.

I kept my gaze out the window for the remaining duration of the drive, and I didn't even really acknowledge that we had made it to the hospital until Lisa was shaking my shoulder and telling me to get out. I blinked, sighing softly before sliding out of the car, shutting the door as Lisa locked it up. I glanced up at the massive hospital building before letting out another breath. I felt dizzy and sick to my stomach and I feared that I wouldn't be able to face it if he wasn't okay…

"Come on, Tommy," Lisa said, pulling me to the inside lobby and into the elevator. I kept my eyes on the floor as we rode up some-odd five or six floors. Lisa tugged on my arm again, dragging me forward and down a hall, passing doors. Some were open, some were closed. The hallway itself felt cold with dark blue carpets, white walls and fake art-pieces hanging on the smooth surfaces. It felt out of place.

"Just up here," she said, nodding to a door on my right. I swallowed the lump in my throat as she passed me, reaching forward and taking the doorknob into her hand, turning it slowly and pushing the door open. She looked back at me before nodding with her head for me to go inside. I sighed again, before stepping into the room.

It was plain; linoleum floors, white walls and a bed in the back corner. Machines were hooked up to my dad, lying on his back with the blanket tucked around his ribcage. There was an IV in his arm and tubes up his nose for air. His eyes were closed and I knew he was sleeping; the heart monitor had a steady beat that was soft in sound and clear on the screen. My mom was sitting in an arm chair, her eyes distant as she stared hard at the floor. Lisa cleared her throat and Mom looked over at us, before seeing me.

"Tommy…" She whispered, standing from her chair and crossing to me quickly, wrapping her arms around me into a tight hug. My arms circled around her back and I squeezed, wanting to break down and cry, but I knew that I had to get some answers before I could do anything involving excessive emotions.

"Mom— Mom, how… What happened?" I asked her after pulling away. She let out a breath, looking exhausted and old as she turned her head and stared at my dad.

"I… I don't know. He was fine… When we went to see the show a couple of days ago. He complained about being tired a lot, but we figured it was nothing. It was only yesterday that he was coughing and wanting to sleep a lot. This morning he… He just collapsed. The doctors are trying to figure out what might have caused it," there were tears forming in her eyes as she spoke and she just shook her head back and forth, over and over.

"I don't get it— he's been eating right, getting exercise every other day and he's been drinking water and taking vitamins. I don't know what could have caused it…" She mumbled and I pulled her into another hug, feeling her shaking with sobs as she cried onto my shoulder. I ran fingers through her hair, my heart breaking a little more with each passing moment. I wanted to keep comforting her, but there was still a part of me that just wanted to cry… A part of me that longed to curl up into Adam's arms and just weep for a while.

"He'll be fine, Mom. He'll be okay. He's strong, he can make it," I whispered into her ear, though I wasn't entirely sure I believed it myself. I wanted to, with all my heart, but if she didn't know what could have caused his sudden dip into sickness, then what was I really supposed to grab onto for support? True, my dad had dealt with fits of illnesses before, but never to the extent that it put him into the hospital. Could it have been a stroke? Stress?

'_All together possible; stress. Wouldn't you stress out, too, if you suspected you're son to be a fag?_' I grimaced at my own thoughts, glancing over at my dad's sleeping figure. I didn't really want to dwell on the possibility that he was stressed over something like that, but, all the same, I wouldn't have been _entirely _surprised by the notion.

Mom pulled away from my arms, wiping away her tears as I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone, checking the time. It was almost seven o'clock. The show would be starting soon with Allison to open, Orianthi second and then Adam's opening with an FYE remix and Voodoo. I sighed softly, feeling a frown tug at my lips as my mom looked over at me. She frowned, too, before glancing at my phone.

"What?" She asked, taking a seat back into the chair by my dad's hospital bed. I swallowed the lump in my throat, shoving my phone back into my pocket.

"Just… Checking the time. Show's gonna start soon." I told her, and there was a shift in the look of her eye that made my blood run just a little colder than before. Chills ran down my spine and I wondered if she was going to start talking bad about Adam.

To my surprise, she didn't. But she did bring him up, "How is he?" She asked, appearing to care about my answer, but I wasn't entirely sure if she actually was or not. I knew that my dad didn't like Adam— at all— but I didn't know, exactly, how my mom felt about him. I knew she didn't like what he and I did on stage (and that she _really_ wouldn't like what we did _off_stage), but I doubted she hated him for it…

"Who, Adam?" I commented and she nodded once. I shrugged, "He's alright. He's worried about Dad and understands that I couldn't be there tonight because I needed to be here." I told her. She nodded once, staring at my dad for a moment before speaking up again, though she didn't look at me.

"Is there… Anything… Anything at all… Going on, Tommy?" Her eyes shifted over to meet mine and my heart slammed against my ribs, shaking with fear and I wondered if, maybe, now _was_ the best time. But it couldn't have been. I couldn't tell her when my dad was sleeping in a hospital bed three feet from us and Lisa messing with her phone on the other side of the room. I'd envisioned sitting down with them and telling them and having it be a civil conversation, not this…

"No, Mom. There's nothing, I already told you that." I said, perhaps a little too quickly, and my mom raised an eyebrow, but she looked away again.

"You're just friends?" She questioned. I sighed.

"Yes, Mom. Just friends," the words sounded foul on my tongue and I knew it was because I was lying. I was lying to my mom and, in a sense, I felt like I was lying to Adam. I couldn't explain it, but it made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to just leave and go call him, but I knew that he would be getting ready to perform. He couldn't be distracted right now. He needed to be in the zone for the show…

"He seems awfully important if he's just a friend." She retorted, still not looking at me. I huffed an exasperated sigh, running fingers through my hair. She cocked her head in my direction, eyeing me.

"Why can't you get it? We're _best_ _friends_, Mom. Of course he's important to me. He's, like, one of the most important people in my life right now." I said, and her following remark immediately made me regret it.

"More important than your own family?" My heart shattered a little and I swore I felt tears stinging my eyes.

"N-no, Mom. I mean… Adam's important to me, yes, but… Not as much as family," more lies. More pain; Adam was so much more important to me than that. He was _as_ important as family, if not more. I mean, he _was_ my family. He was my boyfriend, my lover, my life, my everything! He was the glue that held me together; the jelly to my peanut butter. The cheese to my macaroni and every other sappy analogy one could think of. Adam was mine and I was his and he was the one that held me together through everything. I needed him…

But how could I tell my parents that?


	11. And Although There's Pain In My Chest

**Chapter Eleven: And Although There's Pain In My Chest  
Adam's POV**

Tommy had come 'home' last night and I was really fucking excited to see him because, come on, he's my lover and he's been away from me! We hadn't really talked much while he was gone, and while I didn't exactly like that, I understood he reasoning behind it. He was with his family and his father was sick. They needed him to be focused on the family and I got that. If my father was sick, I'd probably be the same way.

Regardless, I was excited to see my Glitterbaby. I missed him a lot, even though he hadn't really been gone for very long. When I went to pick him up from the airport, I couldn't even sit still, but when he actually exited his terminal and walked up to me, he looked sad and anxious. I'd asked him if he was alright and how his father was doing, but he just didn't want to talk to me. That, in an of itself, scared me a lot. What if his father was dying and he felt like he had to come back to play bass for me? The last thing I ever wanted to make him feel was that he owed anything to me. Granted, I made him fucking famous, but I didn't want anything back from him. I just wanted to make him happy and give him the freedom he needed. Open space to run, if you will.

Not much was said between us at all yesterday and it was actually a little awkward to be around Tommy when nobody else was there. It was like Tommy had been replaced by an emo kid who sat in the corner of the room, by himself, writing poems about cutting and suicide. Fuck, what was happening to my baby?

Today we were just on the bus, rolling forward on our never ending journey to make the rest of the world happy at our expense. I loved every fucking minute of my job, when my band was happy, especially Tommy. But Tommy wasn't happy and I had no idea how to make him feel any better. His father was, quite possibly, dying and there wasn't anything I could do to make the man healthy again. Even if I _could_ make him healthy and give him the life he used to have back, he probably wouldn't accept it from me because I was a faggot. What had Tommy called me a while back? The Drama Queen of Gay Central in the Galaxy Cock-sucking Queer? I had a feeling his father felt about the same for me now, which was sad really. I'm a nice person! Maybe I flaunt my sexuality a little more than I probably should, but people look up to me for _not_ being afraid to be me. I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that vaginas disgust me... I just can't help it. What more do people want me to do? I tried the whole dating a chick thing and it so _did not_ work out.

Whoa, alright, talk about getting side tracked. Stress from touring must be getting real bad because now I'm starting to sound a lot like Brad... Not good. Extremely not good, more like mayday really...

"Tommy?" I asked, knocking lightly on the bathroom door. He'd been locked in the tiny bus bathroom for nearly an hour now. He said he was taking a shower, but I knew he wasn't taking any fucking shower! His shower never lasted more than ten _maybe_ fifteen minutes, but even fifteen minutes was pushing it for him.

Monte had been bitching about needing to pee, and I was getting extremely tired of it. Sometimes, I swear, Monte is more of a little girl than his daughters are. Seriously. When you're a fucking grown man, you can hold it in for more than twenty minutes.

"Yeah?" Tommy called and the sound of the shower's spray turned off. It's amazing, technology, isn't it? Have running water on a bus? That's just... amazing.

"Baby, are you almost done? I'm not trying to rush you, but Monte needs to go to the bathroom and I'm tired of hearing him whine like a little girl. I swear he's more of a diva than I am," I said, forcing a soft chuckle. I wasn't in a fantastic mood, I wasn't feeling too hot either and the laugh was forced, but at least I made the attempt. I heard Monte shout an "I heard that" but I ignore it. I just didn't care about him at the moment. He was just annoying.

I heard Tommy sigh, quite loudly and I imagined he was stepping out of the tiny shower, pulling a towel over his hair before wrapping it around his lack of hips. "Alright, alright," he muttered, sounding angry and annoyed. Fuck.

"Sorry, baby..." I mumbled as he shoved the bathroom door open. My suspicion about his towel was right because his hair was poofing up slightly and the towel clung neatly to his hips. "Are you alright?" I asked

A frown pulled the corners of Tommy's lips downward which, in turn, caused me to frown as well. "Yeah, Adam, I'm fucking fantastic," he said coldly, pushing passed me to walk into the bedroom we now shared on the bus. Generally we just didn't mind the small bed because we liked the excuse to be really fucking close, but last night I almost wished I'd slept on the floor... Tension was just high and now I was wishing I hadn't opened my mouth to ask Tommy if he was alright. Big mistake.

I followed him into our bedroom anyway. Mistake number two. "Baby, you know I'm just concerned. I want to help you, but you just keep freezing me out," I said, keeping my tone calm and caring.

"I'm not fucking freezing you out, Adam!" Tommy exclaimed, letting his towel fall so he could get dressed. Normally, I couldn't pass up an invitation like that one, because he was just so fuckable, but today the idea didn't even make itself known in my thoughts.

A sigh passed my lips before I could catch it. "Tommy, that's exactly what you're doing right now. When I ask you if you're alright, I don't mean it literally, I mean I want you to talk to me about your problems so I can, potentially, help you. However, when I ask, you just hiss at me or ignore me. That's _freezing me out_, Tommy," I said, still keeping my tone calm. I didn't want to start yelling at Tommy. If I did, it might end really badly, but I was starting to think that maybe, it was unavoidable.

"Adam, I would tell you my problems _if_ I thought you could help me!" he shouted and my eyes widened, just staring at him in shock and disbelief.

"Tommy-" I started to say but he cut me off, sounding extremely annoyed with me.

"No, Adam just stop, okay? My dad's dying! He's fucking dying and I have to worry about him on top of my family once he's actually gone. Not to mention, I keep getting all this pressure from you to tell them all that their son is a queer, who's fucked by Adam Lambert on a nightly basis. You can't just leave it alone, you have to keep pushing and pushing for me to tell them and I just can't, okay? I can't! It's great that your parents are so fucking happy you sleep with boys, but I just can't tell mine, so get off my fucking back, alright?" he shouted, my back pressed into the door just from the mere shock of him yelling at me. We hadn't really been in a fight since the whole Drake situation and my mind was kind of rejecting the entire argument. Well, not really an argument yet. So far, Tommy had just blown up at me for no logical reason.

I wanted to look away from the blond, but I kept my eyes focused on him. "What the fuck are you talk about, Tommy? This has nothing to do with you telling your parents you're gay or not! I'm worried about you because ever since you got the news your dad was sick, you won't talk to me. You just blow up at me for no reason! You didn't call me once while you were with you family and I fucking understood that because you were busy with people who fucking needed you but don't you think it would have been nice to at least hear from you so I knew you were alright?" I still wasn't yelling, but got did I want to. Tommy using the word "queer" again really didn't fucking help my mood again. I tried not to let it get to me, but it was...

"But you want me to tell them. If my dad wasn't sick, you'd be hammering me about telling them..." he whispered, but he still looked pissed...

"Tommy, fine, whatever, if you don't want to tell them that we're dating, don't. I don't care about that, if that's what'll make you happy!" I exclaimed, totally lying through my teeth. It hurt me a lot to know that Tommy wasn't willing to be honest with his parents about me. If he loved me, shouldn't he be willing to tell them? I knew Tommy was just using that as an excuse no to talk to me about what was going on. I understood that, but now? Now I was successfully distracted. "If you don't want to tell them, then fucking don't okay? I just want you to talk to me! I want to be there for you, but you won't let me do that!"

"Can you cure my dad's sickness?" he snapped, his brown eyes growing large and desperate.

I sighed, looking away from him finally. "No, Tommy, I can't cure your dad..." I admitted, although I wished I could do whatever I could to help Tommy's father.

"Then there isn't anything to talk about. No, I'm not alright, my dad's dying!" he shouted at me and I could see the tears forming in his chocolate eyes. Glitterbaby...

"Tommy, please don't be like that, baby... I just want to help. I want to comfort you because I _know_ you are hurting a lot right now," I whispered, even though I was hurting a lot at that moment as well. I hated getting yelled at by people I loved. It made me feel icky and well, not nice, basically.

"Be like what, Adam? Upset because my dad is so fucking sick and my boyfriend is breathing down my neck?" he hissed. It almost sounded like he wanted to hurt me and my heart clenched. Only for a second, did I think that Drake would never have done that to me. _He raped you, Adam. That's worse._ Okay, yeah rape is really fucking bad, but so is this...

Tears filled my eyes and my vision went blurry. "Okay... I'm sorry," I mumbled, turning away from Tommy so I could open the door and leave the blond alone. In part, I didn't want him to see my crying, but tears were already falling. I pulled the door open and stumbled out into the hall, just trying to get away from Tommy. I loved him, but at that moment, I didn't want to be anywhere near him, so I would get as far away as possible.

"Adam, Adam! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," he called after me, but I was already at the front of the bus, tears pouring from my eyes. I never meant for Tommy to think so lowly of me and now he did. My ratings of him weren't so high right at this moment either, which made me feel even worse. I actually compared him to Drake... _Drake_! Fuck... What the _Hell_ was going on, and was there even anything I could do to fix this?

I feared the worst, of course, that this was going to split Tommy and me up...


	12. Maybe I Was Wrong

**Chapter Twelve: You took the blame, but maybe I was wrong**

**Tommy's POV**

I stare at the door, frozen, long after Adam had turned and gone. The image of him with tears in his eyes, just giving up on everything that had happened, was eating at the seams of my heart. I bit down on my bottom lip, running fingers through my hair and giving a sharp, brief tug before sitting down on my side of our bed. I winced as I pulled a few strands out from my scalp, but the pain didn't last long at all.

Fuck, why… Why did I have to say all those things? Why did I have to lash out at Adam for no reason when he was just trying to fucking help me? Why did I have to be so fucking cruel to the one person who was trying to show that he gave a damn about my situation? Maybe he was right… Maybe I had been freezing him out since I got home…

But, prior to my going to see my dad, he _had _been breathing down my neck about talking to them, admitting that I was gay. I wasn't the only one at fault in this matter, he needed to take some fucking blame, too! Though… I didn't have a real reason to lash out. All he'd done was, politely, tell me to hurry up in the bathroom so Monte could use it, and then he asked a simple question.

Are you okay?

No, I wasn't okay. And he knew that I wasn't okay. Poor choice of a question, Adam. I sighed, feeling my heart clench in my chest and I felt exhausted. My elbows rested on my thighs as I buried my face into my hands. My shoulders shook and I felt tears pooling into my hands. I'd fucked up by yelling at him and now he was mad at me. Wasn't I supposed to love him? Wasn't I supposed to be keeping my promise never to hurt him the way I'd done before…

Was I on a sure-fire path to ruining our relationship?

"Goddamnit!" I hissed, standing suddenly from the bed. I was fuming, wanting to punch something, wanting to break something. I was biting down, quite hard, on my bottom lip; I was almost certain that I was bruising it, if not making it bleed. I whimpered softly, feeling the tears streaking my face as I turned and punched the wall as hard as I could. I didn't put a dent into it, though I was sure my hand would be feeling it something awful the next day.

But staring at the wall, with my fist still flushed tight against it, I thought back. Back to a time where I'd fumed and punching something else— a mirror. With the same fist and for a similar reason. I'd fucked up with Adam, again.

That was almost a year ago.

I sighed, dropping my hand before glancing down at it. The knuckles were a bright red, swelling slightly and turning dark. Yeah, this was going to bruise something awful, for sure. But I found myself not really caring. I swallowed a lump in my throat, wiping away the few stray tears that were still clinging to my eyes when I heard a knock at the door. I turned, staring at it for a moment, thankful that I'd finished putting on a pair of sweats before Adam had left, earlier.

"Come in," I mumbled, and the doorknob turned. The wooden slab swung open and Sasha stepped in, shutting the door behind her. I sighed, turning away to grab a shirt from my suitcase, pulling it on over my head. I looked back and she was sitting on my side of the bed with her hands in her lap. "What?" I asked her, after a long moment of silence. She frowned, before looking up at me.

"What's going on?" She questioned, her voice just barely above a soft whisper. I sighed, inhaling quickly through my nose, trying to calm myself down from lashing out again. I didn't want to talk about it, but all the same, I had a feeling that she wasn't going to leave until I, at least, told her something. I ran fingers through my hair again, standing across the small space from her.

"I… I blew up at Adam, it was nothing." I commented, feeling a pit of acid boiling in my stomach. She frowned again, looking up at me with big, concerned brown eyes.

"Nothing? Tommy, Adam's practically sobbing out there. You can't expect me to believe that your "blowing up at him" was just nothing at all." She said, and I felt my heart cracking in my chest. I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't _mean _to hurt him, but that was what I'd done. And I wasn't sure how I was going to take that back…

"I didn't…" I sighed, feeling the anger swelling in my chest like the pain in my hand, "What the fuck am I suppose to do, Sasha? My dad's dying with cancer and Adam wants me to tell my whole family that I'm a cock sucking whore!" She winced, licking her lips before retaliating, her voice gentle compare to mine.

"Okay, first off, you're not a whore. Second of all, Adam just wants you to be honest with your family about who you are. He just wants you to be open about your life so you don't feel like you have to pretend to be something you're not. That's all." Her voice was soft, understanding, though I knew she was really miffed about my "cock sucking whore" comment.

"If that's what he wants then he needs to fucking tell me that! He's telling me he wants to tell my family I'm gay and possibly get fucking disowned—" Sasha sighed heavily, shaking her head. I could see that her patience with me was beginning to wear thin, but she was trying really hard to stay calm.

"Tommy, you're taking this way out of proportion. Adam's not hoping that you're going to be disowned or that you'll be forever neglected by your family. He just wants you to be happy. He wants you to know that, no matter what happens, you're loved and accepted for who you are. And you're blowing up at him because of that, and it's not okay, Tommy." I shook my head, feeling tears forming in my eyes and I clenched and unclenched my hand, feeling the knuckles going numb. Fuck…

"I didn't mean to blow up at him, Sasha… I'm just… I'm so confused. I want to tell them, but I'm afraid. I'm afraid if I say it, now of all times, then… I don't know. I… I can't lose my dad, but I can't lose Adam, either…" I mumbled, my thoughts jumping around and not making a whole lot of sense as they passed through my lips. Sasha nodded once, looking away for a moment as she thought. There was a moment of silence before she sighed and looked back to me.

"Then… You need to talk to Adam. You need to tell him what you just told me. You need to tell him that you're confused and afraid, and that's okay, Tommy. But he needs to hear that from you. Right now, he thinks that, because of all of this, you want absolutely nothing to do with him… Tommy, that's scaring him." I winced, feeling the tears spilling down over my cheeks. My heart was clenching in a painful knot in my chest and I felt like I couldn't breathe right. You know that old saying "love hurts"? Them bitches had no idea…

"I know… I… I just… I try to say all of this and it comes out wrong. It comes out angry and jumbled and I don't mean it to be that way, but I don't know… I'm trying. I really am I'm just… My dad's sick and my mom suspects that there's something going on between me and Adam and my sister Lisa knows but she understands my situation and—"

"Wait, wait, your sister knows?" Sasha asked, and I nodded once, trying to clench my bruised hand only to find it stiff. I winced, glancing down at it. Shit.

"Yeah, she does." Sasha huffed, shaking her head.

"If she knows, then tell your parents with her. Maybe not now, when your dad is so sick, but if she knows then maybe she can help you explain it. Maybe, if you're parents see that she's accepting of who you are, then they'll accept you, too." Sasha said with the beginnings of a smile on her face. I chuckled, nodding once. She had a point. Maybe I wanted Adam to be there with me for support, but Lisa was my sister. My older sister, at that. Maybe she could help me.

"Yeah… I suppose you're right." I mumbled softly, and she scoffed.

"Damn straight I'm right. Now, what are you going to do, Mr. Ratliff?" Sasha asked and I looked over at her, before sighing softly.

"Well… First, I'm going to apologize to Adam. And second, I'm going to give my sister a call." I told her. She smiled brightly at me, standing up and giving me a big, fat hug. Her arms locked around my shoulders and mine around her waist, my face buried into her shoulder. Sasha was like my sister. My black, lesbian sister. I loved her to death and, I swear, she knew me better than most people who've known me my whole life (coughmyfamilycough).

"Good. That's what I like to hear. Now, do you want me to have Adam come in here or—" I shook my head, pulling away from her.

"No. I think, right now, Adam wants some space. I'll talk to him after the show tonight." I told her, before frowning a little. "Are we still on the bus or are we in a hotel tonight?" I asked her.

"Since we've got back to back shows, Lane scheduled for us to be in a hotel tonight. Comfort and shit, you know? She thinks it's too cramped on the busses and stuff like that. You know how she is, always planning to Adam's diva needs." I chuckled, shaking my head.

"Yeah. Well, sometimes I think Monte's a bigger diva than Adam. Apparently he was complaining how I take too long in the shower?" Sasha laughed.

"Yeah, yeah he was. And it was super obnoxious, but it'll all get better. Things have been… Tense, to say the least, since you're parents were at the show a week ago, but it'll get better." Sasha smiled at me, throwing her arm around my shoulders and kissing me on the cheek. I laughed and shook my head. If I wasn't gay and she was a lesbian (and totally my sister), I'd date her. Seriously.

"Alright. We should be getting to the venue pretty soon. Do you want me to talk to Adam, let him know about what you're planning to do?" She asked and I shook my head.

"No. I'll let him know that we'll talk tonight before we get there. That way there's no extreme tension on stage." She nodded once, crossing over to the door and grabbing the knob. But she stopped and turned to me.

"You're gonna wanna put ice on that hand of yours. Don't want you to be unable to play." She said, and I felt my face grow hot. I nodded once, looking away. She sighed, and let go of the knob, turning completely to me.

"Also—? Promise me not to do that again." I looked up at her and frowned. "You need to stop punching walls and things. I don't like you hurting yourself like that…" She said, before turning and pulling open the door. She stepped out and I let out a heavy breath before following her.

Adam was sitting on the sofa with his headphones shoved into his ears, messing with his iPhone. Monte and Isaac were playing a game of cards with Brooke and Taylor. Terrance had a book propped open in his hands as Sasha sat down on the floor beside him. I inhaled slowly, walking down the long stretch of bus before sitting down next to Adam. He didn't even look at me, but the dark circles under his eyes and the red rings told me he was miserable. I reached out, touching his wrist with my fingers of my undamaged hand. He looked over at me, before plucking a headphone out.

"What?" He asked, his voice hoarse from crying. I bit down on my bottom lip, making circles in his wrist.

"I talked to Sasha, she helped me sort myself out. We'll talk tonight, after the show, okay?" His jaw clenched and he looked away. Our post-show talks weren't always productive, but it was the only time we'd be able to without, potentially, interfering with the show performance itself. "I'm sorry…" I whispered, feeling the sting of tears. He glanced over at me and sighed, shifting his arm and taking my hand in his. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to my forehead, but didn't say anything else.


	13. With a Thousand Sweet Kisses

Try not t kill us. Please?

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen: With a Thousand Sweet Kisses, I'll Cover You  
Adam's POV**

Tommy and I had talked after the show. We'd made things okay between us but it still wasn't perfect. We still seemed a little distant and we hadn't really be intimate. The fight, show and make-up talk was about a week ago. We talked and we kissed and we flirted, but at night we didn't cuddle. We didn't make love or tease each other into painful stiffness. It was almost like we were a couple merely pretending to be a couple.

I understood. Tommy was stressed out because his dad was sick and his family was putting pressure on him to spend time with them and understand his relationship with me. It was very clear that his parents were not fond of me and the more I heard Tommy on the phone with his mother, the more I doubted he would ever come clean about our relationship or being bisexual. He was so sure that his parents would disown him. I guess it was a realistic fear, seeing as Drake's parents did that to him when he was a teenager, but it was an extreme. I didn't believe Tommy's parents would do that to him…

Now I was on my way to a family owned Italian restaurant that Tommy and I were meeting at for lunch. We were still in LA and this was just an attempt to mend our relationship further. The lunch itself I was looking forward to, because this happened to be one of my favorite places in LA to eat, but trying to bring my relationship with my bass player back up to the way I wanted it? That I wasn't looking too forward too, which is part of the reason that I decided to walk there instead of drive, because I was biding my time, but also because it was just a beautiful day out with the sun shinning bright.

Unfortunately I had to walk through a rather shady neighborhood to get there. People didn't really get hurt here, but a lot of drug selling and taking took place here and a lot of prostitution. Fortunately it was the middle of the day, so most drug dealers and hookers weren't out, but there were always a few who didn't care what time of night or day it was. Business was business for them.

I was about to turn the corner onto the next block when a familiar head full of chocolate hair caught my eye. I stopped, turning my attention to the tall, skinny brunette who was talking to a rather shady looking man. They were a few feet into an ally and the longer I stared at them; the more I started to think I was looking at Drake…

Part of me said to just keep on walking. Drake didn't matter anymore. He hurt me and he hurt Tommy. I shouldn't have cared about him at all, but the fact was that I would never just not care about him. No matter what Drake had done to Tommy and I, he was my former lover. He used to be my everything.

Drake reached into his green windbreaker, pulling out a tiny stack of money and I knew, instantly, that he was buying some sort of drug. He handed it to Slim-Shady-In-a-Trench-Coat and a moment later he was pocketing something that I really couldn't make out from across the street. The man was looking at Drake like he was some sort of tramp who seriously needed some help and if he was addicted to drugs, he probably did fucking need help.

Before I even knew what was happening, I was walking across the street. "Drake?" I called and I saw his back go rigid just after pocketing whatever that man gave him. Slim Shady glanced up at me and in the blink of an eye, he was gone. I knew he just took off down the street, but he might as well have teleported away. Drake pulled his jacket close to his tiny frame and he started to walk away from me, but I grabbed his arm, pulling him back before he could get too far. "Drake…"

Yes, I was about to be late to lunch with Tommy and yes, I must have been crazy to confront Drake like this, but it wasn't in me to just walk away from this. Drake was killing himself if he was taking an illegal drug. I just hoped it wasn't something too hardcore. Weed, I was praying. If that was the case, he'd just have a bad case of the munchies, but Drake was never really one to smoke week, even on national pot day.

I turned to Drake to face me and his eyes were wide, almost empty looking, but still that bright blue that I loved so much. "Adam…" he muttered, holding his jacket closed tight, hiding whatever it was that he'd just bought. He tried to turn away from me but I grabbed him again, holding him in place.

"Drake, stop, just wait a minute, all right?" I said and his eyes met mine, his wide with fear and confusion.

"What do you want…?" he whispered, his lower lip quivering and his eyes falling to his feet. There were a billion things I wanted. I wanted Tommy and I to be okay but, at the same time, I wanted the Drake I loved back. I wanted to help Drake out if he really was doing illegal drugs. I wanted to turn and walk away without another word, but I settled for a simple response.

"I want to know what the Hell you're doing here…" I muttered. Drake was shaking quite visibly, from what I couldn't be one hundred percent sure, but when I told him I wanted to know why he was here, he started shaking a little more and he automatically threw up his defenses.

"Why do you care? I'm not following you, if that's what you're thinking… I didn't… I didn't even know you'd be here…" he quivered, not meeting my gaze directly. He looked at anything to keep from looking me in the eyes but I never thought he was following me. I hadn't seen him since my birthday party, where Tommy did some… not so kind things to him. This was purely a coincidence I was sure.

"I don't think you're following me, Drake…" I muttered, trying to catch his eye, but he just wouldn't look me in the eye. "Drake…" I said again and without a second thought, I reached up, grabbing each side of his jacket, pulling it open and quickly snatching what he was hiding out of the inner pocket. I knew the jacket well. He wore it all the time when we were together… It was only too easy to find the inside pocket.

What he was hiding was a tiny plastic Ziploc bag full of fine white powder. I wasn't an expert on drugs, but I knew that this was pure (or close to pure) cocaine. Drake wasn't entirely happy about my invasion of his privacy though.

"Adam!" he growled, reaching forward, trying to snatch it from me, but I held it out of his reach, gripping it tightly in my hand. "Why does it matter to you anyway?"

"Because I won't let you do this to yourself!" I exclaimed, keeping the bag tightly inside my fist. Drake wasn't exactly in a position to fight me, considering he was weak from drug use and looked positively exhausted.

"I've been doing it to myself for quite a long time now, Adam. You taking one tiny bag isn't going to change that or me!" he shouted, looking like he just wanted to hit me or run away, probably the latter, but he wouldn't leave without his coke. It was obviously that he was already addicted and I wondered just how long he had been taking the drug. After showing up at my birthday party and getting the crap beat out of him by Tommy? Before that? Before that night in the club? God, Drake…

"What's happened to you?" I couldn't help but ask. This was certainly not the man that I had been in love with, but I knew that man still had to be somewhere inside him…

Drake finally stared into my eyes, his lower lip quivering. "Nothing I don't deserve, Adam… nothing I didn't have coming," he told me and I couldn't help myself. I reached up, cupping his right cheek and brushing the tears that were forming from his eyes. He froze under my touch, just staring up at me.

"Drake…" I said again and he just bit his lip.

"What would your pretty blond boyfriend say if he saw you talking to your rapist, Adam?" he asked, a tear rolling down his cheek, sounding like he had to choke the sentence out. My hand lingered on his cheek for a minute before I dropped it, sighing deeply.

"He wouldn't be pleased with it, but Drake… You need help," I said, the bag of coke feeling heavy in my hand. I kept asking myself why I even cared about him but I knew the answer all too well.

"No. No I don't… I don't need help, I need a release from my fucked over life," he muttered miserably. He couldn't even see that he had a fucking problem. It was like he thought these drugs were his saviors.

"Drake," I started and he seemed to tense or flinch every single time I said his name. "Doing drugs isn't going to give you anything other than a worse life…" I'd kind of been down the drug road before, so I knew, but I wasn't nearly as bad as cocaine.

"I don't know, it been keeping me from doing something worse…" he muttered pathetically.

"Like what?" I asked, curious as to what could be worse than being a cocaine addict.

Drake snorted, looking away from me for a moment. "Like what? Like hurting more people, killing myself-" he looked back at me, his eyes swimming with sorrow but he wasn't trying to get any sympathy from me, I knew- "Raping you… _again_…"

"Drake…" It was all I could really manage to get out before his tears swelled heavily in the ducts, cascading down his face.

"What?" he cried and before I could even think, I brought my hand back up to his cheek, cupping it gently and leaning forward, pressing my lips hard to his, like the way I used to kiss him. He gasped against my lips but he didn't struggle against me. I kissed him hard for a few moments before pulling back just slightly. "Please… let me help you…" I pleaded.

His eyes fluttered shut and he was breathing irregularly, from shock or just from the kiss itself, I wasn't sure. "That'll ruin everything you have with Tommy, Adam, and I don't deserve your help. You shouldn't help me…"

"Things are already starting to fall to ruin…" I muttered, biting my lower lip gently.

His eyes opened again, wide and round as he stared up at me. Emotions swam through those ocean orbs, one of the most dominant being anger. "W-what?" he asked, swallowing. "He swore to me that he loved you more than life itself…" Was he angry because it seemed like Tommy didn't care about me as much as he claimed.

"Yes he did," I started. "But he refuses to admit to his family that he's gay… and if he can't be truly open and honest with them how do I know he's being honest with me?" I questioned but Drake merely frowned, partly angry with Tommy but mostly with himself.

"If you help me… you'll definitely end your relationship with him…" he whimpered.

"He doesn't need to know, Drake…" I whispered. I hated the idea of lying to Tommy, but Drake needed some serious help and obviously no one else was willing to help him. He could at least be a sweet and loving guy again if he just got better… He needed rehab and he needed a friend.

Drake didn't really want to have anything to do with that though, he just pulled himself away from me completely, putting a little distance between us. "No… I won't be the reason for your pain anymore…" he whimpered, tears hugging his cheeks.

"Drake…" I muttered for the thousandth time in the last ten minutes but he just shook his head. "Drake, please…"

"Just give me the bag back, Adam…" he requested and I knew if I gave it to him, he would just turn and run.

I clenched my jaw hard and firm, shaking my head a little. "No," I said sternly.

"Adam…"

"No, Drake, I won't let you do this," I said, staying firm.

"Just give it back…" he whispered, reaching out to the hand still clenching the coke, but I merely clenched it tighter.

"No, Drake," I said again and new tears began forming in his eyes. "Drake please don't… I can't…" I muttered but I hated seeing him cry. I always had. It plucked at my heartstrings and when he cried I wanted to give him whatever he wanted to be happy again, but I just couldn't this time. He turned away from me, new tears leaking down his Cajun cheeks and he started to walk away, giving up without another word, but I just reached forward, grabbing him again. "Drake! Please. Please… Understand that I can't… I can't okay? I can't watch you do this to yourself…"

"Why do you even care about me?" he retaliated, turned his head to looked back at me. "You should be happy that I'm so pathetic and broken! You should push me into the mud and laugh in my face! You should have had me arrested! You should be _happy_to see me like this!" he cried, but I wasn't happy.

"I care because I still love you!" I shouted back and he stopped in his pathetic struggling to get out of my hold, staring at me with his mouth slightly agape. "I… I may not be in love… with you… but I do still love you," I corrected.

"Well," he said, shaking his head. "You shouldn't. I'm an awful person." There was no room for argument in his tone but I argued back anyway.

"N o you aren't… You've just made some… poor choices recently…" I argued.

"My whole life was a poor decision. I'm such a waste it's not even funny," he argued back.

"Don't say that…" I muttered, practically pleading. Drake had so much going for him before we broke up. He was so talented and so smart. Some bad decisions shouldn't have ruined his entire life…

His lip began to quiver again and I was afraid that he might just have a break down. "It's true…" he whispered, his eyes lingering on the sidewalk before he looked up at me again, question in his wide eyes. "And why did you kiss me…?"

That caught me a little off guard. "Because I wanted to…"

"Why?" he questioned, his voice starting to fail him. "Why would you want to do that?"

I didn't really have an answer. I didn't know. Well, I did, but I didn't want to admit to it. "I don't know…" I said with a sigh and he just shook his head, taking a step away from me again, tears still falling freely. I took a step forward, closing that distance. I had every intention of pulling him into my arms and holding him like I used to but my phone went off, blaring GaGa's _Love Game Remix_.

I was sure it was Tommy, but I didn't make any attempts to answer the phone. Drake's eyes fell to my jacket pocket where my phone was ringing. "I hope he'll come around and treat you better than I did, Adam…" he whispered, sounding genuine and sincere about it.

"Drake-"

"Please stop… stop saying my name like that," he pleaded, sounding extremely upset. My phone stopped ringing and there was a little beep saying I missed a call.

Squeezing the coke bag tightly for a moment, I held it out to him, waiting for him to take it. "I hope you'll do the right thing, Drake…" I whispered.

His eyes widened and he snatched the bag from me quicker than lightning. He shook his head at me as he pocketed it and turned to leave. "I won't," he said over his shoulder. "I'm hopeless now. I have been…"

"You aren't," I told him. "Just… call me when you're ready for help…"

"I don't have a phone anymore." He probably used all of his money on drugs now. He wouldn't have anything left over for a phone. I wondered if he even had a place to live, but he must have. He looked too clean and put together, aside from the shaking and drug need, to be homeless.

"Then come to my condo?" I asked.

He started walking away from me. "Don't wait for that day to come, Adam," he told me.

I couldn't really fight the tiny smile. "You know me, Drake… I will."

He froze for a moment. "Then you'll be waiting a long time…"

"Maybe… maybe not," I said and he just shook his head one last time before taking off in a brisk job. Drake had always been a good runner… He had the body type for it. I wouldn't have any hopes of catching him.

Sighing, I pulled my phone out and listened to Tommy's voice mail, asking where I was and I hit redial. He answered on the third ring. "Hey baby," I said, putting a soft smile on. "I'm so sorry I'm late… I'm on my way now and I'll be there as soon as possible, okay? Order us some wine and I'll be there soon, I promise," I told him.


	14. My Best Intentions Keep Making A Mess

**Chapter Fourteen: Cause My Best Intentions Keep Making A Mess of Things**

**Tommy's POV**

I was messing with my phone when Adam finally came up to the table, slipping into the booth across from me. I'd done as he asked and ordered us a nice white wine to go with our Italian lunch. I had already polished off two glasses of my own because it was so sweet and delicious. Wines weren't, typically, my favorite type of alcohol to drink, however I knew how to appreciate them well enough to enjoy them.

"Hey, baby, I'm sorry I'm late," Adam said softly, setting his phone down on the table next to him before taking up his wine glass and sipping at the drink. I had poured a glass for him to be ready for when he got here, I just didn't realize I would be waiting as long as I had. "I didn't realize it was going to take me this long to walk from where I was when you called." I shrugged.

"It's alright, Adam. No harm done." I said with a soft smile, setting my phone aside to take another drink of wine as Adam flipped through the menu. Part of me wanted to know why he didn't answer when I called him but I didn't want to seem clingy or overly concerned by the matter. Because the answer was probably something simple like his phone had been on vibrate or on silent and he didn't notice it…

"Have you decided what you want?" He asked and I hummed in response.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go with the chicken fettuccini. Something simple, you know?" I said and Adam nodded once, setting his menu aside.

"Simple sounds good, actually," he chuckled gently, smiling at me. I brought my elbow onto the table, resting my chin in my hand as Adam reached out and took my free hand with his, giving it a tender squeeze. There was a glint in his eye that made me frown and I laced our fingers.

"What's wrong, Adam?" He blinked, looking away for a moment before shaking his head.

"Nothing, Glitterbaby. I just… I ran into someone I knew on my way here.. and he's not doing so well." Adam's eyes were dark with concern and I frowned a little more, returning the squeeze.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" I asked, not wanting to pry too personally if Adam didn't want me to. He sighed softly, running a hand through his hair before lifting his glass and taking another drink of his wine.

"I don't know. I hope so, but.. He's messed up. And he needs help, but he's not going to be the one to ask for it. Someone's gotta shove it in his face.. And I have a feeling that he doesn't want me to be that person." I bit down on my lip, glancing down at our hands.

"Why is that, do you think?" Adam hesitated for a moment, pulling away from my hand enough that he could twist it gently and trace the lines of my palm with the pads of his fingers.

"We had a bit of a falling out a few years ago and he hasn't been the same since then. I'm worried about him but he feels like the reason we're not close anymore is because he's a failure to life. I don't know how to get close enough to him to prove him wrong because I know if I try he's going to run away again or do something he'll regret. Not to mention we're touring and I really doubt I'm going to even see him again, anyway…" He sighed softly, taking my hand for one more squeeze before pulling away to lean back into the seat of his side of the booth.

I nodded once, running my fingers through the fringe of my hair before picking at one of my chipped nails. I understood that whole basis entirely, though it had been a long time since I'd had a "falling out" with any of my friends. Now, though, my falling-out's were revolving around my family, and I didn't know what to do. Well, scratch that, I _did_ know what to do, I just… I couldn't. I couldn't risk seeing the looks of disappointment on my family's faces when they found out that I liked guys and that I was romantically involved with my boss.

I knew that it would be the right thing to tell them. I knew that I needed to be honest with them because if they found out I had been lying to them, not only would they be hurt by who I loved by they would be hurt that I lied to them about it. They would be hurt that I kept it from them. And I knew it was hurting Adam because he was huge with honesty and trust and he'd told me enough times before that if I couldn't be honest with my family then it would be hard for me to be honest with anyone.

The idea that Adam thought that my lack of honesty with my family potentially meant I wasn't honest with him hurt worse than I thought it would. I valued the fact that Adam and I were honest with one another. Hell, I was always honest with Adam. From day one, though back then I'd been honest about how much I hated him… But to know that he doubted my trust in him…

Sighing softly, I took another drink of my wine as our waiter brought by a basket of breadsticks before taking our orders. When he left, I glanced at Adam, watching as he swirled the last few sips of his wine around in the glass curves. He seemed like he was deep in thought, and I could almost see the wheels and the words turn and changing in his head.

I had just been about to open my mouth to ask if there was something he wanted to talk about when Adam beat me to the punch, "Tommy… What are we?" I snapped my mouth shut and I frowned, tilting my head a little.

"What do you mean?" I asked and Adam sighed, staring down at his wine glass.

"We're always fighting, Tommy. And we're fighting over the stupidest things. Nothing really ever gets resolved and.. And I feel like we're very distant right now. We're not the same, Tommy. We're not as comfortable or as happy as we used to be and I just want to make sure that you still want this as much as I do…" Adam said gently, lifting his ocean blue eyes to meet mine. I felt my heart clench in my chest and I looked away for a moment.

"I do want this. I want to be with you and I want to make this work, but I know you're not happy that I won't tell my family…" I trailed off and Adam nodded once.

"You're right, I'm not." He said and I bit my lip.

"But understand my position, baby… You grew up with very accepting and liberal parents. Your biggest concerns in life were the people at school, sometimes. And even then you didn't really have to worry with anyone other than yourself and your own thoughts. I grew up going to a Catholic school and being an altar boy, Adam before finally going to a public school. I grew up being told one thing and believing something else entirely and my family never liked that. No one did. So it's hard for me to go to them and tell them I'm gay or I'm bisexual or whatever it is that I am when they, and myself, have believed that I've been one particular orientation and person my whole life…"

Adam nodded once but he didn't say anything for a moment. I sighed quietly, staring down at my hands which were folded on the table in front of me. "I think my biggest concern is that you're not that little boy anymore, Tommy. You're a grown man with your own life, and yet you're so afraid of things you learned as a child." Adam said gently and I nodded.

"I know… But it's hard…" I said, trailing off a little bit. Adam hummed in response before reaching out and taking my hand again.

"I understand that, Tommy. But you know that I'm here for you. You know that I will always be here for you, no matter what happens. We may have our fights and our struggles, but I love you and I will always be here to look out for you when you need me." Adam admitted softly and I felt my heart skip a beat as I smiled softly at him, squeezing his hand with mine.

"I love you, too, Adam. But… I'm just not ready. I don't know when I will be, but it's not right now." I muttered and Adam nodded once again, even though I could tell that he wasn't happy about it in the least.

"Will you still tell them when we go down to San Francisco?" He asked softly, bringing up a conversation we'd had weeks ago back in the hotel before the Portland show. I sighed softly.

"I… I don't know. We'll see, but I just.." I glanced up at Adam, seeing the disappointment etched on his face as he stared down at his glass. I felt my heart crack in my chest and I sighed, "I'll try." I told him, and his gaze lifted to meet mine, hopeful for a moment.

"You will?" He asked, his tone a little lighter than it had been. I bit down on my bottom lip for a moment, nodding once.

"I'll try. I can't make any promises or guarantees.. But I told my sister, Lisa, as you know, and she's okay with it. So if my parents pose an issue with it, at least I will have her support with it. It's just… It's gonna be hard, but I'll try, baby. For you, I'll try." I admitted, feeling my heart skipping beats and frantically pounding at the same time. I wasn't sure what the result would be if and when I told them. I wasn't even sure if I would be able to get the words out. But I had to try. I owed it to my family, myself and to Adam to try.

Adam smiled softly at me, his eyes lighting up a little and clearing from the dark disappointment to something that I had missed for so long. True happiness. "Thank you, baby. I know this isn't easy for you, but I know it's gonna be okay." He said quietly and I smiled back, forcing it a little as the waiter came by, dropping off our plates of food. I dug in much slower than I normally would have, not having much of an appetite out of fear that my plans were going to fold in on me. What if I told them and they hated me? What if I told them and they accepted it but hated the fact that I lied to them? What if I choked?

I glanced up at Adam, watching as he took a few bites of his food, a small smile toying at his lips. His motions were fluid and light and he looked much happier now than he had when he showed up. My heart ached and dropped a little into my stomach. If I choked, Adam would be so disappointed. But if I told them and everything fell apart, would Adam be able to deal with me then when I've been nothing but a pain for him lately? I swallowed the lump in my throat, looking away from him to fight the sting of tears that were building in my eyes as I took a shaky, small bite of my pasta.

The old phrase of "It doesn't hurt to try" could possibly end up being the most untrue statement in the world.


	15. A Note To All Readers

Hey guys!

So, unfortunately, this note here is to inform you that Defying Gravity has been discontinued. Hiei and I have taken on other interests and don't really have the time to finish this story (plus, she's all about Sherlock now, but that's another story).

However, I have a proposition for you writers out there. I know how Hiei and I would have ended the story, but I don't want to spoil that for you. I want to know: how would you have ended it? What would you have done if you were in our shoes and were writing this story.

I challenge you to write the ending. It can be one chapter. It can be several chapters. If you so desire, you can rewrite Defying Gravity. You can make it entirely happy where Tommy and Adam are deeply in love and have no fears or regrets. You can keep it the way it is, give them issues and arguments. Will you have Tommy tell his family he's gay? Will you have him keep it a secret despite Adam's wishes? Will Adam and Tommy break up, or will they stay together? Will you completely erase Drake, write him as a hopeless drug addict or have Adam help him get better? The choice is up to you.

Good luck.

~uv


End file.
